All day, all night

No, I don't know why I have insomnia. I just sometimes get this feeling like someone's... watching me.

Yeah, them...

Specifically, that guy right there. A little privacy, please? Jesus!


(Found by Nicole.)

You'll feel a slight pinch

 

You dance divinely, my dear, simply divinely. One and two and three and dip! Wait, wait, come back! I didn't mean that kind of dip... Sorry, sorry, sorry. It won't happen again. No need for you to be so crabby... oh, crap.

(Found by Snoskred Avalanch.)

Long Time No See

Oh, how sad. I've been neglecting poor Chair, and now Chair has to try to sneak into photos that are weird all on their own -- like this one Mandy found. Sorry, Chair!

Almost, but not quite, lifelike

No. Look, I'm sorry, but I'm just not falling for it any more. You put up a listing with photos like these:

And you expect us to believe that Tasmania actually exists? Look at this!

This is so clearly computer-generated. Just give up. It's just as realistic as New Zealand (which even my browser's spelling checker knows is made-up.)

Sincerely,
Not Falling For It Any More

(Found by Kelly, who's probably in on it.)

The class war will be waged in real estate listings

 

I'm sorry, but I just can't take urban angst seriously when it's right by a beautiful, sunny beach. But Brooklyn! Ooooh, we've got some real rebels here:

Yes, this is very punk and all, but it looks like someone painted it on the inside of their own bedroom door. Is it directed at his (I presume, boooo me) roommates? Does he think that they're all yuppie scum, and thinks mean thoughts about them when he's in his room? Or does it actually say "Die yummie scum," because he's planning on eating them? What kind of scum, anyway? Could this all be fixed with a bottle of Soft Scrub?

(Found by Merridy [Sydney] and Katryn [NYC]. Arrows scrawled in by me, not the real esatate agents, nuh doisey.)

It'll just encourage him if you look, you know.

One thing I've learned as a parent is that unless there are flames or spurting blood involved, it's best to ignore behavior you don't want to see repeated. So let's all pretend we didn't see this listing Sarah found, shall we?

snappy

What? Why would you say that? That sounds incredibly painful, and what does it have to do with your listing anyway? Freak!

Oh.

Nippers. You said "nippers." Sorry about the outburst. See, I thought you said... never mind.


(Found by Victoria.)

I blame moles.

 

Nope, nope, not trying to hide anything here in the listing Loquacity found. That's just the way grass grows in Australia -- in little identical clumps.

That's not where garters go, silly

 

Danieka found this "4 bedroom 2 bathroom Double garage home." Me, I'm wondering how long until little Henley Brook has her own show on Disney.

Bathing with nature

Well, yes, this "flexible living & dining" room Natalia found could use a fresh coat of paint and a go with the Swiffer. But it gets more... um... blank canvasy outside:


I'm 99% certain that's where the toilet is. Or is it the "open-air bathroom" -- that is, the room with the bath? And which would you prefer?

Windows Protection Error

Eh, it's just a window. Not very exciting.

What's that?

You want the window to be exciting?

Well: ta dah! Here you go. From another listing, for a house that's six kilometers (I speak Australian!) away:


Now, that's an exciting listing! Yeah! I'll buy it!


(Both listings found by Marsha.)

Ceremonial leaving of the housewarming present

Househunter M. Flavius Aurelius saw this listing in a real estate agent's office window. Sure, from my American perspective it looks... ah... not really all that inviting. But careful research reveals that, in Australia, a house really isn't considered to be "warmed" until a dog has circled it three times, dragging its behind along the lawn.

This photo shows that the house comes pre-christened, which increases the sale price by an average of AUS$10,000. Cheers!

I just spent far too long trying to figure out if the dog was going widdershins, given that this is the Southern hemisphere... almost as long as I spent previously trying to figure out if Australia really was antipodal to me [it isn't]. I need a special vocabulary list just for Austral listings.)

For deep, deep cleaning

Handtruck in the kitchen? Pshaw. How about... a lawnmower?
(Found by Mandy.)

She'll be right.

"How can we take a photo in this haze? The air's as thick as a my mum's Pavlova!"

"No worries. We'll just blow the smoke away with this fan."

"Good on ya! That's that sorted, then. Take the snap and let's go to the hotel for some hunkies of snook-lolly."

"I have no idea what you just said."

"Me neither. Sorry. I think she's just making this crap up."

"Cheers."

(Found by Rowan.)

I'm too sleepy to be mean

Kelly, who found this listing, and I have the same problem. We know we shouldn't like it, and yet... isn't it sort of wonderful? So cheery! So clean! And with that weird everything-in-focus quality so many of the Australian and New Zealandish listings have! I'm 90% certain the building doesn't exist and this is just a computer simulation, but hey, no house is perfect.

Where Hypnotoad eats breakfast

I'm starting to think I need to expand my rules. Maybe this should be a blog of two kinds of photos:

1. Poorly chosen (e.g. most of this blog), OR
2. Mesmerizing and -- from my perspective -- antipodal (e.g. my new HQ)

Mel, who I presume is my antipodisis, found this doozy.

A wrinkle in space

I'm pretty certain this listing, found by Michelle, shows the disintegration of the universe. Who knew the world's end would start in an Australian suburb?

Don't look over there, look over here

Adrian found this listing. What's the big deal? Nice yard...


Fine bedroom...



AHHHHHHHHHHH!


Not only was there a terrible fire, but ohmygod isn't that a walker there to the right? Could they not get that out of the way before taking the photo?

For the ladies

"Large Games room - currently used for Pole Dancing Fitness Classes." I believe you; millions wouldn't.


Found by Christine. And then Melissa. Then Kristen... should I be worried that so many people see basement stripper poles and think of me?

Have you prepared your speech?

"You're probably wondering why I called you here today..."

(Found by Laura.)