Know what's lovely? Suddenly finding a whole bunch of people who are just as nosy as you are. Thank you, Metafilter!
An example of this excellence: in a comment for one of my old posts, becca jo pointed out the photo above. How could I have missed it and all its romantic glory?
It's so easy to imagine myself living here with housemates who never clean and who I leave passive-aggressive notes for and secretly resent and then I move out and grow up and yet still fume about years later and...
The last thing I saw before I passed out was the fridge, taunting me like a cruel ice goddess. "Who's in control of the keyboard now, wisenheimer?" I thought I heard it say as I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep...
True, the house would look like this five minutes after I moved in. But shouldn't listings be a bit more aspirational?
But don't be turned off. This house has other fine qualities, like... um... a large, spray-painted, backwards "j":
And an outdoor dining area!
Is it included in the sale? They don't mention "big heap o' junk" in the listing, so it's not clear.
"I'm done securing the doors and windows. Have you taken all the photos you need?"
"Yup. Pack it up, and let's get out of here."
"So we'll just walk out through the... $#^@*&!!!"
I like to imagine that the homeowner perches in this hanging chair and talks to the two stuffed birds on their little swings. (But by "like to imagine" I actually mean "am terribly afraid.")
This is perhaps the most soul-destroying photo I've ever seen on a real estate listing. Its bleakness has sapped my ability to write. Excuse me -- I need to go sit outside for a while.
"Oh crap, someone wrote on the wall here..."
"Eh, don't worry -- just paint over it and nobody will notice."
No, no, the room gets plenty of sunlight. It's not dark at all. Why do you ask?
I think they put the tiles on the wrong two surfaces. Hold on:
Ah, much better.
Do you like it?
OK, how about now?
What about now? You'll buy it, right?
Now?
(These are the only photos in the listing. Perhaps there was an earthquake while they took the photos.)
Despite the Vaseline on your camera lens, I can still tell that something has gone horribly, horribly wrong on that carpet. Still, I'm happier with it blurry, I think.
If you could pick only one photo to show the interior of a house you were trying to sell, would this be it?
Does the dog come with the house? Does the sofa? If not, why is there a photo of them -- a photo that shows nothing about the house?
I take it back. It does show something about the house. Something about what to expect if you go visit it. But perhaps this is something that the seller should consider not advertising.
I wonder how many cats were in the photos they didn't use?
