See you in church!

For your Sunday needs: Erin found this single-family, three bedroom, two bath, one apse house. Good luck getting the current tenant out -- He's got a notoriously bad temper.

It's German for "love of the mirrored, flocked wallpaper"

Smoooooth. From the pink bidet to the slightly charred chandelier, this says "Waldeslust!" all over it. Not that I have any idea what "Waldeslust!" means, but really, it says it all over it:

Ahhhh, room to stretch

Brilliant! As a tall person, I say it's about time we had toilets that gave extra legroom.

First impressions

For whatever reason, this real estate agent has decided that only one photo is needed in this listing Danielle found. Just one. So, to really sell the house, to show the potential in this fixer, she went with... this?


The rest of the house must be a little messy or something, and not worth taking photos of.

Step into my lounge

Andrea found this lovely example of life:


...imitating art:

Your parents must be so proud.

Why not bring the charming atmosphere of a strip bar into your home, as in this listing Seth found? There's no need to stop with the pole, future owner of this "hip, modern" townhouse. Don't forget to pack your $20 Long Island Ice Tea, your curiously sticky floor, a few surgically deformed women who can barely disguise their loathing of you, and an overwhelming, suicide-inducing sense of ennui! See you at the housewarming!

Scavenger hunt

Somewhere in this photo, I have cleverly hidden a $600,000 house. Can you find it?

Why so glum, chum?

Michelle found this "Perfect 1st time buyers" listing. Get it now -- it won't last long at this price!

Avoiding listings altogether

Christina found this... well, it isn't exactly a listing. And it isn't exactly real estate. But it certainly is one way to go about trying to sell a home. Besides, it's a Saturday and the It's Lovely! editorial board isn't here, so let's go nuts.

A little privacy, please? Part II

"Huge backyard with potential..." Yes, nothing but potential here:

You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to toss 'em on the floor

We each pick a card. High card wins the house.

(Found by Chris on The Front Steps.)

All for the want of a notepad

A quick browse through my Gregg manual and I see the former residents have left a message saying... hmmm... "BREAD, MILK, SPINACH, BANANAS."

Wood paneling, haunt me! Wood paneling, haunt me!

Not that I admit to ever having watched any of those Flip That House! Flip It! Flip Flip Flip! shows (are they on the air any more, I wonder, now that any given house's value is likely to go down by 60% before the new owner even gets the locks changed?), but if I had, I would've seen more than one where the flipper walked around spray painting on the walls where the fridge would go, where the cabinets would go, where the wall would be knocked down for a pass-through thus exposing six inches of asbestos and two inches of black mold.

In that vein, this house comes with convenient signs showing where the blood will be trickling from the walls during your next seance. Make sure you get a good seat, kids!

Dear new owner...

Aw, look! They left you a little "Welcome to your new home" note.

The Citgo sign is just out of the frame

So that's what's on the other side of the Green Monster. I think they make David Ortiz go there when they can't take his spitting one... minute... longer.

Built during the bricklayers' strike of 1918

Oh, I don't know. Just put some bricks there. No, like that. That! OK, now put some.... I don't know.... there. Or there, whatever, I don't care, just slap the bricks together and let's call it a day.

It's the mud creature!

Go, stroller, go! The mud creature's nearly got you! Roll as fast as your little wheels can carry you!

Falls down lighter! And fluffier!

OK, yes, it's a popcorn ceiling and chances are it's full of Chrysotile. I can see how you might think that was bad. (Apparently the residents don't, because they seem to still be using this room to keep your clothes in.) But look! It's self-removing! Wait long enough and it will all peel down, saving you thousands of dollars in asbestos-abatement fees!

Swab the decks! And don't forget the living room.

I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason for a garden hose to be running in the front door...


...and through the living room. Like... ah... well, there could be a fire in the kitchen. That would require a hose, wouldn't it? Or maybe... um... well, wait. Maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way. Maybe the hose isn't going in the front door, it's going out it. Really the water is going from the... waterbed? to the... garden? Or something?

Charge!

Get it! Rar! Attack the bush! Don't let it near the house -- I think it's trying to steal our cinderblocks!