Go chicken go

 

I CAN ONLY BUY HOUSES THAT COME WITH GIANT CHICKENS
DOES THIS HOUSE MANDY FOUND INCLUDE A CHICKEN
OH IT DOES
LOOK THERE IT IS
I'LL BUY IT

Hand me the power saw, willya?

Becca found this listing months ago, but I am slooow -- so slow that the place has already rented. Sorry, you'll have to find some other home to live in; some other apartment that apparently has a man breaking into it from the garage.

Ajax really isn't that expensive

Yeah, the kitchen's a pit. But what do you expect? It's on the market for just $67,500. How much work can you expect the people selling it do do?

Oh.

Wait.

Not $67,500. I misread that.

This kitchen is in a FREAKING $675,000 HOUSE AND OH MY GOD THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T MOVE TO SAN FRANCISCO.

"The lot needs geological work."

Know what would happen if I lived in this house Seth found? Within five minutes of moving in, I would somehow manage to drop my keys right... there.

I like the optimism of these photos from the same listing:

A little scrubbing, a little vacuuming, and it'll be fine.

You monsters!

I... I don't understand. What are these people doing to the Chairs? They'll squish them! Get off them, you fiends!


(Found by s.e.)

Thank you for not making me a footstool

Shhh. Chair and Chair's friend, Chair, are praying.

For all your motion capturing / living room needs

Lazy contractor, finishing with just the grid lines up. Go on, control-paste the ceiling and then you'll be done...

(Found by Isabel.)

POTUS

Bored with retirement, George has taken up vandalizing houses as a hobby.

We don't need no water...

No, wait, actually we do.

Rar!

THEY'RE HERE! THEY'RE HERE! EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! WOMEN AND BLOGGERS FIRST! AAAAAHHHHHHH!



(Note: the bottom photo is not from the listing. My young son just did that for me. Should I report myself to CPS and just get it over with?)

We're #1

Heather found this listing. Tum-te-tum, just a perfectly normal room, nothing to see here, nothing at all.

Move along folks, no reason for you to be thinking of crime scenes... I'm sure there are plenty of kids' games that involve flash cards like these:

(Note: this photo is not from the listing. Just a year ago I wouldn't've thought that would be necessary to point out, but some of the things I've seen...)

Children's games like Find The Bullet Fragment and Blood Splatter, Blood Splatter, Who's Got the Blood Splatter! Or my kids' favorite, Pass the Possible Murder Weapon. Ah, sweet childhood.

Rorschach house

What do you see in the top picture? A butterfly? Interesting, interesting... and in the bottom picture, what's that? Oh, no reason, I'm just curious...

(Found by Cindy.)

Where? Where?

Right... over... there....


Is Chair.

Take that, Swine Flu!

Sometimes I feel guilty that my kids are on the Doughy Cheeseball Diet. But then I see what other people are feeding their children, and suddenly I don't feel like such a negligent parent.

A soft landing for Santa

A subtle clue tells me that this is not a working fireplace.

Hey!

Chair, do you mind? A little privacy, please! Nobody likes a peeping Tom.

"San Diego Home with Charm"

If the charms don't work, try prayer. And if prayer doesn't work... well, you've always got your backup plan.

(Found by Heather.)

Included: butter, salt

For the family that likes popcorn. Really, really likes popcorn... Okay, wait, time for a sanity check. This probably makes no sense to anyone other than me. Here, this is what I'm thinking of:

See it? See it? It's not just me, right?

Huh.

Oh dear.

I'm going to go lie down in a nice dark room until this passes. I may be some time.

Little boxes, in the bathroom, little boxes filled with I-don't-know-what

My house suffers from Pink Bathtubitis too, so I really shouldn't raise an eyebrow at this listing Karen found. What are you going to do, after all? You've got a house to sell, the bathroom is pink, you're not going to remodel. All you can do is carefully frame the photo so you get in your collection of collections and hope for the best.

Wish you were here

A few people have asked lately where Chair is. Don't worry. Gingerbeer found Chair taking a little break, relaxing with a good friend. After all the hard work of getting to be #2 in the world domination list, it's time to kick back and... uh... ignore the nice view.