I bought a house with popcorn ceilings, so what do I know

I would say something about this listing Stephen found, but all I can think about is cream of tomato soup.

I'm sticking with you

 

Aw, it's a heart made out of glue. And a... thing. Stuck to another thing. I can't quite tell what this is a picture of, but fortunately the listing Katryn found -- which uses this photo, and only this photo -- says that this is "A 1 BEDROOM PB APARTMENT ON THE GROUND FLOOR..." So I guess this is the PB part.

For all the sparkly vampires out there

PROSPECTIVE TENANT: I don't know... the windows seem a bit small.

OWNER: No, no, they're nice and big. Airy! The apartment is positively airy.

PROSPECTIVE TENANT: But the windows! Look at them! They're about six inches tall.

OWNER: Clearly you are mistaken. Look at the curtains! Nobody would put such long curtains on six-inch-tall windows, would they?

PROSPECTIVE TENANT: I see your point. I'll sign the lease now, please.



(Found by Christian and Gareth.)

For people who don't like stainless steel appliances

If you lived here you, too, could put magnets on your fridge! Yes! You could! It's not one of those no-magnets-here fridges!

Found by Emma.

My evil empire will start right here... after I'm done playing pool

Yes, yes, I'm cheating. This isn't from a listing; it's from a press release announcing a listing. Sorry, but I don't think the actual listing is on-line. But this is my blog! I'm the only person here! I can do whatever I like! Just like you could, if you lived in a secret lair under London.

(Found on Metafilter.)

So close.

PHOTO CHECKLIST:
Front of house? Check.
Kitchen? Check.
Bedroom? Check.
Bathroom? Check.
Back yard? Check.
Orange teddy bear leaning against a fake soda can? Check.

Good to go!

(Found by Emma)

The mold comes, on little cat feet.

Shhh. Shhhh. It's us, the mold spores. We're sneaking into the room. Shhhh don't tell anyone we're here shhhhhh Jo found us shhhhh

Enviro-house

There's a slight chance that the house in this listing -- found by Karen on Photoshop Disasters -- has been Photoshopped. Or maybe the owners just really like lawns and really hate cars.