Chair? What Chair?

Disturbed by the many sightings of Frankenstein's Chair, scared furniture has taken to camouflage as protection.


(Found by Gav.)

FEEL HAPPY NOW

FEEL HAPPY

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY

YOU WILL FEEL HAPPY NOW

OR ELSE


(Found by mo-mo.)

Time to check your carbon monoxide detector's batteries

Ah, New Zealand, you never let me down.

Fiona found this disturbing scene. I think that the stove stunned the chairs while their backs were turned, causing them to pass out face-first. There's really no other explanation. But what will the stove do now, if it can escape the jail it's being held in? And what's that weird other alcove to the left? And why do listings from New Zealand all look so vibrant and computer-generated? Does New Zealand really exist? Has anyone actually been there?

Oh, the pain of my catharsis

Even the coffee tables are filled with ennui in this apartment found by Kelly, but don't let that stop you from living here. After all, as the listing says, "sometimes it takes a while to recognise a good thing when we see it. But when we do it imprisons our hearts. Why wouldn't you listen to your heart? The midwife listened to your heart when you were inside and it gave peace of mind to your parents... So do tell why you won't listen to your own heart? This unit is low maintenance, secure with a very good management system, it's easily accessible and it's at number thirty eight bar forty two Holly Street."

Included: fridge, oven, microwave. Not included: coherence, segues.

Ladies of the World

Um... miss? Excuse me, miss? We're trying to take a photo here, if you could just... Crap, she's totally ignoring me. Is she drunk?

(Found by Angela.)

Easy at-home eye exam

Which is better? A? Or B? A? B?

Found by Dem.

New "It's Lovely!" HQ

Oh my god, this is wonderful. It was found by Gav who, I'm guessing from his Austin Powers comment, thought it was shagtastic. But I love it! Really! It's excellent! Look! It's like a museum, or a Dwell photo spread!

I'm buying it and moving in and keeping it that impeccably clean. I'll use an orange rotary phone, and listen to LPs, and look things up in World Book. I shall cook meals involving cans of condensed soup.

And then I'm going to hang up portraits of Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong-il in every room, just to finish the look.

Sold! I can't wait to move in.

Why? Why? Why? Why?

Found by Simon.

Why?

All this could be yours!

C'mon in! Make yourself comfortable!

(Another disturbing find by Jayce.)

Ahhh, it's brilliant

I'm sure there are good reasons to include a photo of Father Dougal in your listing, as found by Edmund. True, I can't think what the reasons might be... but I'm starting to get the impression they do things a little differently in New Zealand. For example, it appears that they insulate houses with "button cods," which I believe is babytalk for what Americans, in our trademark-infringing way, call Q-Tips. That's what the listing says, anyway. I am so confused. Just like Dougal.

Make us then a mighty host

The rest of this house is one of those "Awesome or awful?" quandaries, but this -- this! -- this is too much. Built-in, permanent, cement armchairs? No.

Found by Liz.

Come in! Come in! Come in! Come in! Come in! Come in!

What? Why would you have a creepy feeling about this house that April found? I don't see a single thing wrong with it. Tra la la...

Hide! Hide! The real estate agent is coming!

I've decided not to put any photos with children on my blog, in case... ah... eeevil people see the listing and go to the house and kidnap the children and refuse to return them until the parents agree to co-sign on their mortgages. Fortunately the person who put together this listing -- found by Siobhan -- agrees with me. Children? What children?

I'm really starting to wonder about New Zealand

Ebony, who found this listing, lives in New Zealand -- so I guess we can presume she knows what normal listings there are like, and that they don't usually contain tortoises. Which is a shame, really, because it would be something people could say about New Zealand, something that didn't have to do with Lord of the Rings or sheep.

Actually, it'd be quite weird in New Zealand as well

Megan in NZ left a link to this listing in a comment, but I just had to stick it up front. The homeowner seems to be an exhibitionist, and it's good to have goals.

Stock up on dairy creamer!

So Tommy Lee has a Starbucks in his basement. So what? Check out this house Emma found -- buy it, and you can have your very own Orange Julius!