Do come in

I know I'm kind of uptight. Maybe a little repressed. But... I just don't think I could, ah, get anything done in there with all those dolls sitting. And waiting. Waiting. Silently waiting. Silently watching. Silently judging. Um, I mean, looking darling, absolutely darling...

I think I can wait until I get home.

(Found by Randi. MLS #757267, for those who are interested.)

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I've seen a lot of stupid graffiti in my time, but this... oh, dear. See it? Up there in corner? It's the frikkin' Ford logo.  And then below it, we have "Like a ROCK" (underlined three times, because the writer really means it). What are vandals coming to? Tsk tsk, modern urban yout'.

In my day we made up our own corporate mottoes, thank you very much. I still recall scrawling "PEPSI: SOME PEOPLE LIKE HOW IT TASTES" on the desk during Western Civ, and spraypainting "MOP 'N GLOW: IT MOPS AND GLOWS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT" on the overpass heading out of town...

(Found by Stacy, which I find highly suspicious.)

Shall I be mother? Very very tall mother?

Yes! You sit up here:

Your guest sits up here:

...and you have the most awesome tea party ever. "Pass me the cucumber sandwiches, will you, dear?" *thwack*


(Found by Emily.)

This neon revival has gone too far

Man, this was a perfectly nice 19th century farmhouse, but then they had to go and modernize it to try to appeal to the American Apparel crowd. Tsk, tsk.

(Found by Kelly.)

"Calvmkztm obcqu dyfigl erlacppyaq obcqu qvlw obcqu alvmkztm obcqu."

 

Well, sure, I like the house, and I like the thought of raising my children there. One thing, though. I can't quite picture what it would look like during a home break-in, and that's very important to me.

Oh! Like that! Great -- just what I needed! Thanks.

(Found by Jeannine. Gibberish in title taken from the listing. I think it's the sound the photographer made after seeing the stealthy, stealthy person.)

EDIT: Here's the video people are talking about. It's a bad boy. It's nuts, man.

"You can choose to paint your apartment"

Good Lord, those are enormous, pointy... curtains.

(Found by Aeryn.)

Cuckoo, cuckoo

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night...

STET

No, really. This is the actual view. It says so right there. This apartment, found by Emily, is in Philadelphia's '80s Collage neighborhood -- and trust me, you'd rather live there than in Decoupageville.

parTAY!

You grab the burgers, I'll fire up the grill! "Tenant has access to a shared outdoor/patio area," and I'm taking every advantage of that party spot!

(Found by Amy, who's in charge of setting up the luau.)

Oh, screw it

I don't know, the land is over there somewhere. Or there. I don't know. You figure it out. It's just freaking $50,000, what do you expect from me?

(Found by Aeryn. Complicated math by Tom.)

Oh, Eth, how we'll miss you.

Poor Eth. So young, so mothy. At least we'll always have this listing to remember you by.

(Found by Ingrid.)

I admit nothing

Since people I know in real life read this blog (or at least humor me by saying they do when I tug on their sleeves), I will not admit to being familiar with "Jon & Kate Plus 8". However, if I had ever watched that show late at night when I couldn't sleep and my God it's fascinating hoooo boy what with all the sippy cups and the chaos and the nervous breakdowns peeking over the horizon... anyway... when I got an e-mail from steph saying this was their house, I might've been particularly happy about seeing the listing.

But it's driving me absolutely nuts that I can't read these notes.

Edit: OK, some of you think those are Bible verses. I say you're loony. If you had eight kids and a TV crew running around your house, would you need Bible verses to look at while you brushed your teeth? Heck no. You'd need much more practical reminders. I think, if I squint, I can just make out what they say:

- THE SCHOOL BUS COMES AT 7:45 AM

- MILK, BREAD, APPLES, TOILET PAPER

- OUR KIDS NAMES ARE: CARA, ALEXIS, COLIN, HUNTER, GATHERER, MANNY, MO, JACK

- FIRST BRA, THEN SHIRT

NOW NOW NOW

I HAVE TO TAKE THE PHOTOS NOW

NO TIME TO WAIT FOR YOU GUYS TO GET OUT OF THE WAY



NO TIME TO TURN 90 DEGREES AND POINT THE CAMERA IN ANOTHER DIRECTION



NOW NOW NOW

(Found by Cecile. Once again I have a "I think someone else sent me this, but what did I do with it?" sensation.)

In England they call them "pot plants"

I've been wrong before... I could be wrong again.

Included: washer, dryer, wrath of God

Louisa found this sign of the apocalypse charming three-bedroom home. "Motivated seller"? Perhaps motivated by the DOOM DOOM DOOOOOOM in the sky overhead?

DOOOOOOOM.

DOOOM.

Doom. But kinda pretty doom, in a doomish sort of way.

Let loose the hounds of Hell!

Roar! Their eyes glow! Their fangs gnash! Their cute lil' floppy ears are all floppy and cute and awwww.... found by Randi. Who's a cute little hellhound? Who? Who?

Cue: Tubular Bells

StacyAndJason (don't give me that look -- that's what the e-mail says) found this dramatic moment waiting to happen. What's coming out of the closet? Something... nice?

call the police

Help, help! There's been a chair massacre!

Oh, the upholstery...

No no no no no

NO MORE DOLLS PLEASE.


(Found by Sharon.)

I'm detecting a pattern

The chances of anyone else making sense out of this are slim, but I swear, when I saw this photo:



...the first thing I thought of was Fashion Plates.



I've gone insane, haven't I.

(Listing found by Stacy. Fashion Plates found on eBay, and you wouldn't believe how much they go for.)