Look, the Mets fan in Texas is not the part to get hung up on.

Hey, Steve.

Hey, Dylan. Hey, Chris. Oh, hey, Josh, didn't see you over there.

How's it going?

Oh, fine, fine. Too bad about the Mets, huh?

Yup, yup. So... any plans for today?

Eh, thought I'd just stick my head through this hole in the wall. You?

Same, same. Head, wall, you know how it is.

Well, good to see you. Might as well get to it.

Yup, see you 'round.

(Found by Lauren.)

INCLUDED: WARMER OVEN DRAWER, FREESTANDING RANGE, DIRECT LINE TO GOD

I used to live in former convent that had been turned into a hippie commune (which I first typed as "hippie commute," an intriguing -- yet unpleasant -- idea). We'd done very little to change the house, and one day a resident pointed out to me that we were still using the nuns' old toilet seat. "Nuns' buns," he said. "Nuns' buns!"

So sure, the real estate agent can write "Home has been blessed by God's servants" in the listing. But to me? All this photo makes me think of is... how refreshing that glass of lemonade looks.

(Found by Lydia. MLS #11237950.)

They're fleeing in droves

Is this a... a... a thing? A listing fad? This season, are all the fashionable real estate agents are putting up photos of people driving away? Perhaps it's supposed to show that you won't have to evict anybody, which is always good (unless you like evicting people, and I suppose everyone needs a hobby).

(Found by Andrew. Finally.)

Fear the white plastic fury

Those of you who have been thinking there's too much Chair might want to see this listing Sarah found. This was a perfectly nice kitchen until Chair had a full-on temper tantrum and destroyed the place, then stormed off.

Do not mess with Chair.

Help me help me please Chair is threatening me

Hand me a flame thrower

Eeeeeek

What... a... dump.

Don't click on that photo Philip found. Don't do it. You'll regret it. Trust me. Just don't. Don't don't don't. Go do something else. Maybe a nice walk? Or cookies, you could make cookies. The hallway closet always needs cleaning.

There are many, many things other than clicking on that photo you could do, and I suggest that you go do them all.

This post qualifies for Energy Star

Green! Green! Green! Green!




Green! Green! Green!

These houses are so freaking verdant I just can't take it any more...



And neither could they.

(The chartreuse kitchen was found by Shauna, and Jennifer found the invigorating bathroom.)

Korch? Katio? Keck?

Kim found this listing. She was intrigued by the bathroom which, I will admit, has a certain oh-my-gawdness about it:



But for me, it's the... porch? Kitchen? Korch? Pitchen? I have no idea what this room is:


Maybe it's because I live in a rainforest, but this makes no sense to me.

I've never been to Texas. Is this, like the outdoor washers and dryers in Southern California, totally normal? You guys are all, "Four walls? Hell, no!" and just have your kitchens hanging out in the back yard?

BDRMS: 3 BATH: 2, ALTARS: 6

There's something out there for everyone! Buddhist (and slightly tipsy)?


Catholic?


You're covered!

(The bottom house was found by Emily, who saw it here.)

*hic*

Not only does Texas not have an open container law, but it's also legal to sell real estate while under the influence. Yee-haw!

Found by Andra.

P.S. I made that up about the open container laws. I have no idea if it's true.

Shhh. It'll bolt if you startle it.

Be vewwy vewwy quiet. I'm hunting houses. Nocturnal houses.

Found by David.

Yes, that's exactly where I want to take a nap

"FEATURES INCLUDE DAY BED, BASEMENT AND BUILT IN SAFE!" I think this is the day bed. Doesn't it look comfy?

Found by Kristi, who thinks that this bathroom door is made entirely of mold:


How uncharitable of her! That door is no more than half mold. Unless mildew counts as mold. Does it? If so, we're back up to 100%.

The Mystery Writers of America are out of control

David found this listing. Since the seller didn't bother spending ten bucks on paint to cover these decorations, I presume they're desirable. Family crests, maybe?

Plaster falling on an open fire...

Alan found this listing. This photo is captioned "stone fireplace in the living area" -- because yes, the first thing your drawn to is the lovely stone fireplace. I don't know if you even noticed, but the ceiling needs some work. No, really! Look up! C'mon, stop looking at the stone fireplace for just one sec and look at the ceiling.

Needed: Photoshop expert

I'm no expert, but I think that there's a slight chance someone's been manipulating this photo. Unless the house really looks like this -- I've never been to Texas, what do I know -- in which case I apologize.

(Found by Jena, representing Texas, who "can't believe they didn't mention the cantilevers in the listing!")

"Pick up this gem, dust it off, add polish and it will shine."

"Dust it off"? Sure! A quick go-round with a Swiffer, that's all this house needs. (Found by Lauren -- thank you!)