Bonuses?

Does the dump truck come with it? No? Dang.



OK, how about the big panel of underlayment? You'll throw that in, right? C'mon...

Do not adjust your monitor.

It's not you -- it's the house. It really is that blurry. And that's why it's been on the market for eight months.

And behind Curtain Number One we have...

"Now let's take a photo of the living room. Take down the curtains, will you?"

"No! Then they'll see the hideous swamp monster who lives in the yard!"

"Fair enough. Curtains it is."

"Must make a appointment!!! Dogs!!"

Comes with flies! And garbage! And yet has been on the market for seven months -- how can it be?

Some of the photos in the listing have people in them, which is so weird that I'm not comfortable reprinting (that can't be the right term) them here. Maybe the people come with the house, I dunno.

Good luck mowing that lawn

Even surveyors come to work drunk sometimes, I guess.

Um...

Is the shower curtain included? (To be fair: they say it "needs a completed overhaul.")

BEDS: 5 (1 HIDDEN)

The bedroom ceiling has disappeared... where did it go? So tricky!


What is that on the walls? It looks like an extension cord, or possibly a radio antenna. Is it paint? I really have no idea.

"Do not street appraise."

Whaddya want for half a million, windows? Hah.

PLEASE KNOCK

One of the things that leaves me scratching my head (or frantically clicking to close the browser window) is when people leave the toilet seat up in their listings. These people remembered to put the lid down, for which I thank them. They may have forgotten a few other things -- like walls -- but the lid is down.

Ack-centuate the positive

This listing had only four interior photos, including the one above. That's as good as it gets, I guess... but for only $554,950, you really can't be picky.

"It's this or the nursing home, mom. Your choice."

I think this is the entrance to the mother-in-law apartment -- which is fine, if your last name is Lockhorn.

(Cue patriotic music)

I can't tell: is the flag in the bucket of dirt because they forgot to remove it before taking the photo, or because they thought it would make the listing more attractive?

"Appliances that stay..."

In an unprofessional lapse, the person writing the listing forgot to mention the barbeque area.

One VERY BIG bedroom.

According to the listing, this is a photo of a 345 square foot, one bedroom house in Seattle. With central air, and a walk-in closet. No garage, though; just a car port.

SINK FOR ILLUSTRATIVE PURPOSES ONLY

OK, I've never sold a house, and don't really know what goes into picking good photos. But I'm pretty certain that you shouldn't have a sign up reading "SEWER TRAP CLOSED. DO NOT USE!!" in your listing.

A ten-minute walk from Bill Gates's house.

So this is how the other half lives. I wonder if Bill ever strolls by on his postprandial constitutionals?

And yet, I say "no thank you."

This is how it looks when they try to sell it. Imagine what it looked like before they gussied it up.

If we sell it, we don't have to clean it.

Listed for 213 days so far... The house has two kitchens, so if you don't like that one, just use the spare:

Shhhh.

Shhh. We're sneaking up on the listing. Only a quarter of a million bucks, and all this can be yours.

The photo that started this all.

I saw this photo a few days ago, but the listing was gone next time I looked. I was so happy to see it again on another website. Hello, doorknob.