Those years of the Palmer Method really worked

Reg? Keg? Either way, the vandal had very nice writing.

Smooooth

"A dinette set in the bedroom?" writes dw. "Isn't that a little... forward? If I were on a date, I'd be thinking I'd want something between dinner and bed."

Oooh.

There's nothing particularly awful about these. Actually, they're kind of striking, in an early 1990s Calvin Klein ad sort of way. I just wanted to share.

My blue-tarp suburb

This house is not far from mine, and they've represented the area perfectly in this photo:

1. Blue tarp
2. Car up on blocks
3. Blackberry bush
4. Rain

Ah, home.

IMPORTANT

Want to get this look at home? Simple! Just stock up on these:




Found by Maria.

Which definition of "hopefully" are you using here?

"Hopefully trash will be removed soon (awaiting approval from seller)." I'm going to start using that as my excuse, too.

Does it come with a dock? Um... do you want one?

Dock!


No dock!


Perhaps it's a submersible dock. That seems like a bit of a design flaw to me, but what do I know about docks?

candles + roses + TP = romance

These big bubbling bathtubs are supposed to be relaxing and romantic, right? Unfortunately, this photo -- with a cat licking its haunch -- isn't quite doing the job.

Fortunately, they had a second, more sensual photo to use. Ohhh yeah... it's business time.

Goat not included

This looks like a perfectly normal, pleasant house... and then there's this room. I think the real estate agent is trying to appeal to suburban Satanists who want a place to kick back and watch TV. Or maybe the intended buyer is a rotisserie chicken who misses the supermarket...

Down periscope

Dive, dive, dive!

Your dream home!

That's "dream home" as in "blurry, confusing, difficult to explain, and likely to bore anyone you attempt to describe it to." But really, for just $550,000 is it worth the time to take a good photo? Nah.

(Found by Katrina, who says it makes her motion sick.)

Avert your eyes, children!

I don't care what consenting adults do in the privacy of their own homes. But when people take photos of these activities and post them to the Internet where any child could see -- why, that's just going too far, darn it.

(Found by househunter Megan.)

Maybe you're not squinting hard enough

Found by Ellen, who says it's a "Magic Eye Poster, Real Estate Edition." The thing is, I've been to Sunnyside. It really looks like that.

The trouble with listings

Eeek! It's a giant Tribble! Power up the transporter!

Maybe a Wii Fit would be more appropriate

"Just you wait. As soon as I figure out how to lift weights with no opposable thumbs, I'm going to get so strong. And then I'll burst out of here. Watch out, Des Moines!"

A doomed romance

"But I love you, Stove! Why won't you come to my soft embrace?"

"It will never work, Sofa. I'm made of metal and my only goal in life is to get really hot. You're made of some weird fabric and highly flammable. I'm so sorry, but you have to go."

"4 Bedroom Rambler and 1 Bath - Needs some TLC"

...previous tenant was a giant pitcher of Kool-Aid.


The Kool-Aid isn't from the listing -- it's just illustrating the only explanation I can think of for that doorway.

Wood paneling, with wood paneling accents

I can see the appeal of having a room like this. I really can. I'm not sure why anyone needs two dartboards (dart machines?), and there's an antelope or something sticking its head through the wall, and that's a weird TV, but a game room really would be great. But -- as always -- we must ask: does this make the house more attractive to buyers? Was including this photo in the listing a good idea?

Um.

Shh! Shhhhh!

Man, it's tough to play hide and seek when you're an armchair.

P.S. "This home is close to the Casino and COULD be in their growth path." But, you know, maybe it isn't. And is being in a casino's growth path really such a bad thing? I have no idea what a "growth path" is. Maybe it's something nice.

Want to buy a doublewide, pilgrim?

Is this a thing? A thing that real estate agents do? A "this random image will seal the deal" thing? I do not know.

(Found by Megan, who wonders if he's included.)