Hitting is not okay

It's no use sulking, tennis racket. You're going to stay in your room until you apologize.

Found by mrzarquon.

E-Z recipe for the busy time of year

BED CHICKEN BAKE

3 pkgs. boneless chicken breasts
1 jar chipped beef
1 pt. sour cream
1/2 piece raw bacon for each chicken breast
2 cans mushroom soup
Garlic salt
Tin foil to cover mattress
Bed

Line a 13 x 9 inch casserole dish with chipped beef. Wrap 1/2 slice bacon around each chicken breast. Tuck into bed. Mix soup, garlic, and salt to taste with the sour cream. Pour over chicken. Nap 3 hours at 275 degrees. Check at 2 hour time. Cover tightly with foil during baking. Serve with a green vegetable and mashed potatoes. Dispose of properly and order pizza.

Listing found by Valerie. Poorly advised recipe based one from cooks.com.

...and another thing...

What can this sign on the toilet possibly say? I can't think of anything other than "DOES NOT WORK" or "DO NOT USE" or, at a stretch, "WATER NOT TURNED ON -- TOILET NOT FUNCTIONING." These people have managed to go on for nine or ten paragraphs.

Home Sweet Home

How could you not want to live here? Doesn't this photo make you think of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, kittens playing with balls of yarn, and the family coming together for Thanksgiving?

Yeah, me neither.

Welcome home. Sigh.

Maybe it's just because I'm desperately short on sleep but I swear, the first thing I thought when I saw this listing was that the real estate agent must be this guy:



Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's the lack of sleep. Even by my low standards, this makes no sense.

H-O-R-S...

These cans take their annual HORSE tournament seriously. Don't challenge them unless you're up for some serious trash talk.

Thanks, longboaters

Striking out on its own

"Just a few feet more," thought the Little Armchair, "and I'll get to the truck. Then I'll drive on out of here... So long, suckers!

Play nice, you two.

Justin found this scene. If these chairs don't start sharing the cement mixer, they're both going to get timeouts.

A bowl of raisin bran might help

If you need a shop vac and a coffee maker in the bathroom... you're doing something wrong. (If you're actually doing the thing very, very, right, I don't want to know about it.)

Unidentified machinery included?

Saves me the trouble of abandoning my own car there, I suppose...

skitter skitter

Skitter. Skitter skitter. Skitter skitter skitter skitter. Skitter!

Green quarter-acre is the place for meeee

Front yard!


Back yard!

So verdant.

rrrrrrrrroooooommmmmmmmmmm

"I'm outta here," said the lawnmower, turning its back and storming off.

Do you want it or not? I haven't got all day.

Hey, buddy. Wanna buy a house?

What do you mean, what kind of house? It's a house, okay? It's just a freaking house. Do you want it or not? What, you want a photo? Oh for... fine. Here's a photo.



There. Happy? It's a house. No, not that one, that one over there, yeah, that one. See, it has a window or something, and a garage, maybe two, I don't know, look, it's just a house! How much information do you need?

Sheesh.

Hey, buddy!

Look! It's an old friend! From the very first post on this blog, it's that guy, you know, the guy with the face. Awww. Howya doing, Sport?

$365,000? (Yawns)

Yeah, I know just how you feel. I can't be bothered to open the door for a penny under $400,000.

The closet, too, is bigger on the inside than the outside.

The Tardis! It's here! In America! And Val found it! But because it's in Seattle, the Tardis now comes in a classic cedar.

Wheeee!

THUNK. That's the sound the sofas made when they stopped sliding and hit the wall.

Building? Dog? I just can't decide which I want.

This listing has two photos. One is tiny and blury. The other is large, up close, and in focus. Can you guess which is of the item which is for sale?

As fast as your skinny plastic legs can take you!

Run, chairs, run! Be free!