Not included: cobbler

Ooh! Blackberry bushes! How unusual! Sold -- I'll take it!

✡! (whee I'm playing with Unicode)

I suppose I'm cheating by including this photo from a listing Matt found. I don't think it's really the Realtor's fault. I mean, there's a big frikkin' Star of David on the living room floor. What are you going to do? Not take a photo of it?

Hey, man, what's under the tarp?

What could be under the plastic tarp that's uglier than... a plastic tarp? It must be hideous, because otherwise they would just move the tarp out of the way before taking the photo. Right?

(You're thinking "It's a corpse," aren't you. We all are. We just don't want to say it.)

It won't get far on foot

"So long, suckers!" yelled the trampoline, running for the woods.

Brotherhood of the Plumbed Things

Thanks for coming, Washing Machine and Bathtub. As you know, I've wanted to have a meeting of Things That Require Plumbing for a long time, and -- being a sink -- I couldn't come to you. Bathtub, I see you already have a copy of tonight's agenda. Wait... Washing Machine... who's that standing behind you? Dryer? Does Dryer require plumbing? No! Therefore Dryer shouldn't be here tonight! Man, you couples that go everywhere together creep me out. Dryer, could you wait outside please?

Getting to know yooouuuu

I have nothing against laundry lines. I use one myself, in the three weeks a year when it isn't raining here. But if my house were for sale, would I include a photo of my laundry line? I would not. Especially if it weren't even my line, but it was the neighbor's line. Or maybe it's a house down the street. I can't even tell what freakin' house this is supposed to be part of.

I wonder if the people in the house know it's for sale? This has "Surprise! You're evicted!" written all over it.

"i'll post better images soon."

Oh good. I was looking for a house where I could... make wontons?

Help! It's sinking!

Weighted down by the pink siding, the house slowly sank into the ground and was never seen again... at least not on the Earth's surface. If you're a hollow earther, well, have we got a bargain for you!

Parking by Officer Murphy

I used to know some guys who had at least 50 bicycles in their apartment. That was in a huge industrial loft, though, not a teeny condo. If I lived in a 566 square foot home, I think I would cut down on my bike collection. But I own more kitchen appliances than can fit on my counter, so who am I to judge?

*yawn*

What? You expect me to put the lid down? Pshaw. For a mere $520,000, it really isn't worth my time.

For that van feeling -- but in a house!

Yes! This is exactly what I'm looking for in a house. A big sleeping woman with a wound in her chest that leaks water. That is what the picture is of, right?

Well, that's a good sign

I'm sure there are good reasons for having a witch's hat (or, as some people call them, a safety cone) in the kitchen of the house you're trying to sell. Like... the kitchen is so FULL OF RADNESS that someone might walk in and be all WOAH and jump back and fall and hurt themselves, just because of the awesomeness of it all.

That must be it.

Merry Christmas!

Jingle bells,

Jingle bells,

Jingle all the way,

Oh what fun

It is to ride, [found by Becky]


On a one-horse open sleigh,


Oh!


Jingle bells (everybody!),

Jingle bells...

Merry Christmas, if that's your thing! And happy Thursday, if it isn't!

A better class of vandals

I look at a ridiculous number of real estate listings (this isn't a complaint -- I'm a nosy person and enjoy the chance to peek into people's houses). One thing I get so bored with is the graffiti. It's always the same black paint, ho hum.

But here! Neon pink graffiti! Purple! Blue! What a refreshing sight. How many highlighters does it take to do a job like this?

There's a joke here about home cookin' but I'm too lazy to make it

Is that a logging cross-cut saw in the corner? Why yes, I believe it is.

American standards

"You expect me to live like this?" demanded the toilet. "I'll give you 'looks like someone tried to remodel it, and stopped.' Bah!"

And with that it stormed out the door to go to Norway, where plumbing fixtures are appreciated.

Chair Power! Chair Power!

Man, I hate that chairist furniture, never letting other furniture come to its meetings. And who does it benefit? Nobody!

Can't we all just get along?

To protect and strip

Is that a cop car? No. It can't be. Can it? No. Yes?

Help us! We're ready to come home!

The alien monsters came bursting out of the furnace and burrowed through the basement ceiling...


Eventually reaching the front lawn where they frantically waved at the sky, hoping the mothership would come to collect them soon.


(Bottom picture found by Lyn.)

Maybe it's the entrance to the bomb shelter

This condo seems to come with its own... giant beehive? Tortilla oven? Sweat lodge? Stone oratory? Place for the wicked witch to store Hansel?