Reports of Elmo's demise...

Ah, don't worry: he's okay after all.

La-la la la, la-la la la, Elmo's Wall

What have you done to Elmo? Oh, you fiends! Why? Why?

And it gets worse outside, as chase pointed out. Small children, look away!


Modesty Chair applied to protect the innocent. Smuttier people can click on the photo below for Chair-on-Chair action (and shame on those people for looking).

We represent the Realtor's Guild, the Realtor's Guild, the Realtor's Guild

A teeny tiny little real estate agent took this photo, holding the camera as high as he or she could. The camera was too heavy for the teeny tiny little real estate agent's arms; thus the blurriness. Poor teeny tiny little real estate agent.

$695,000 a barrel

Poor Fluffy. I still remember that day, when he got caught in the Great Molasses Spill of 2009. The oil drum ruptured and syrup covered the land as far as the eye could see, ever-so-slowly carrying Fluffy away over the cliff.

Fluffy was a good... um... cat? dog? dat? cog? Anyway, we'll all miss him.

Included: Sweden

What's this Emil found? Why, it's Sweden! A map is helpfully included in the listing, for all the people who are considering buying Sweden but don't know what the country actually looks like:



Isn't that helpful?

But I'm a bit confused. I've spent a lot of time in that part of the world, and I'm pretty certain that's Latvia, not Cafe. Maybe things have changed since I was last there. It's probably some new EU regulation. But anyway. Act now and we'll throw in one bonus Puget Sound!

In case of attack by Cardinal Richelieu's guards, break glass

I've had family dinners like that, too.

Howdy, neighbor!

You might not get to know them, but your neighbors will certainly get to know you...

Mt. Rainier could blow any minute now, you know

Grab the children! Run! The volcano has erupted and there's lava everywhere! Go, for the love of all that's holy! Save the listing and run!

Pants Ironed While You Wait

And as long as you're here... want to buy a house?

Not included: gum

Oh, come on. For a quarter million bucks, couldn't you at least fill the gum machine? What are they teaching them at staging school these days, anyway?

Rule #1 of staging: ALWAYS FILL THE GUM MACHINE.

squeak

For sale: one condo in Victory Mansions...

TGIF.

Hello. I'm so happy to see you. Please come in. Have some champagne. No, you can't sit down. It's not that sort of party. It's the other kind. Whee. Hurray.

Not included: squished witch

Are you a good listing, or a bad listing?

(Found by Corey.)

Fine with me.

I was going to say something cutting about including this photo in a real estate listing, but c'mon. These Realtors are armed. Like, with guns, real guns. All I have to defend myself is a three-inch-deep layer of Lego scattered by the front door -- and let's face it, these guys probably don't live in shoes-off houses. So: keep it up! Great listing! Good luck!

It carries its listing on its back

When my husband saw I had this listing, found by Caedmon, up on my computer, he asked "Why do you hate turtles? Why do you hate chihuahuas? They're so cute. Why do you hate them? Why?"

I'm sorry, turtle and chihuahua. Go about your yippy, slow ways. I will say nothing bad about you. Go! Go now, before I change my mind!

I've got listings that jingle jangle jingle

I walked off the dusty street and through the swinging doors of this house, hoping for a drink to sooth my parched throat. The piano player stopped playing, the bartender looked up from the mug he was wiping, and everyone at the card game turned to stare.

"Howdy, boys," I said. "I'm just a Realtor, passing through town. I don't mean to bother nobody. I'll just leave my card and move on."

(Found by Mandy.)

The hook is for the rope bridge through the tiny door

"I said I wanted crown molding on the ceiling, Leroy! Crown molding, not... Oh, never mind, I'll get used to it."

Not included: head

Oh, her? Don't worry about her. She only comes out once in a while. We're pretty certain she's the Ghost of Affordable Housing in Seattle. She won't bother you at all.

(sound of harp strumming)

If chairs are very very good, and eat all their vegetables, and say their prayers, and don't pick up any coffee stains, then this is where they go when they die.

hangover house

Oh, God. What did I do last night? Why am I waking up on this floor? Is that pizza in my hair? Whose idea was it to drink Singapore Slings? Well, there's nothing for it but to unstick my forehead from the floor, find a cup of coffee, and put the house up for sale.