If your pants are over there... what are you wearing?

Ten seconds. That's how long it takes to pull the sheets up. You're not even trying, are you?

SINK FOR ILLUSTRATIVE PURPOSES ONLY

OK, I've never sold a house, and don't really know what goes into picking good photos. But I'm pretty certain that you shouldn't have a sign up reading "SEWER TRAP CLOSED. DO NOT USE!!" in your listing.

A ten-minute walk from Bill Gates's house.

So this is how the other half lives. I wonder if Bill ever strolls by on his postprandial constitutionals?

And yet, I say "no thank you."

This is how it looks when they try to sell it. Imagine what it looked like before they gussied it up.

If we sell it, we don't have to clean it.

Listed for 213 days so far... The house has two kitchens, so if you don't like that one, just use the spare:

Shhhh.

Shhh. We're sneaking up on the listing. Only a quarter of a million bucks, and all this can be yours.

The photo that started this all.

I saw this photo a few days ago, but the listing was gone next time I looked. I was so happy to see it again on another website. Hello, doorknob.