Double wide. Double!

Yeah, it's a mobile home, but really: if the asking price is a mere quarter million, there's only so much effort you can expect the seller to put into the listing.

Once again: aaaacentuate the positive...

True, the house would look like this five minutes after I moved in. But shouldn't listings be a bit more aspirational?

But don't be turned off. This house has other fine qualities, like... um... a large, spray-painted, backwards "j":


And an outdoor dining area!

Winchester Split-Level of Mystery

It's a very narrow hallway leading to a very little door that's three feet off the ground. Perhaps I will move here, and make my kids sleep in the very little room when they're bad. Or maybe I'll store very little things here. Like cookies.

(See! I end on a cheerful note! So my tasteless joke is okay! And my kids never read this anyway... as far as I know. Maybe they do have wifi up in the attic. And yes, I know it's not really a split level. I don't care. Pfffft!)

Mine? Really? Why, thank you!

Is it included in the sale? They don't mention "big heap o' junk" in the listing, so it's not clear.

The importance of planning ahead

"I'm done securing the doors and windows. Have you taken all the photos you need?"

"Yup. Pack it up, and let's get out of here."

"So we'll just walk out through the... $#^@*&!!!"

My first thought is not "I'll take a refreshing dip!"

Eeew.

Squawk!

I like to imagine that the homeowner perches in this hanging chair and talks to the two stuffed birds on their little swings. (But by "like to imagine" I actually mean "am terribly afraid.")

Dreary. So very dreary.

This is perhaps the most soul-destroying photo I've ever seen on a real estate listing. Its bleakness has sapped my ability to write. Excuse me -- I need to go sit outside for a while.

Colorblind painters need work, too

"Oh crap, someone wrote on the wall here..."
"Eh, don't worry -- just paint over it and nobody will notice."

Perhaps that's a spotlight outside the window

No, no, the room gets plenty of sunlight. It's not dark at all. Why do you ask?

Needs TLC

Yes, this is really a photo from a listing... but unfortunately it's almost incomprehensible, so it's impossible to tell what's going on (unless you read an article about it, but that's no fun).

"Marry a Princess Lost in America / Create the Magic with this Fairy Tale Princess," it says. "There is also a 1st floor Powder room."

(via Metafilter)

Floor, wall, whatever

I think they put the tiles on the wrong two surfaces. Hold on:



Ah, much better.

Rar! House MAD!

Do not make the house angry. You wouldn't like it when it's angry.

Photos 1 - 4

Do you like it?

OK, how about now?

What about now? You'll buy it, right?

Now?

(These are the only photos in the listing. Perhaps there was an earthquake while they took the photos.)

The curtains, they do nothing!

I can't tell from the photo if these teensy curtains are on the shower curtain rod, or if they're in front of the window. Either way... wha'?

Cross my listing with silver

If I had a room like this in my house, I would earn pin money by holding séances in my spare time.

This is just weird. And sad.

This house is for sale:

As the listing says, it's an "excellent opportunity to own the property of legendary jazz artist Ernestine Anderson." But then it says the value is in the land, so really it's an opportunity to buy her house and knock it down.

Your blurriness will not save you.

Despite the Vaseline on your camera lens, I can still tell that something has gone horribly, horribly wrong on that carpet. Still, I'm happier with it blurry, I think.

How homey!

If you could pick only one photo to show the interior of a house you were trying to sell, would this be it?

Have I mentioned my claustrophobia?

You have a choice. You can have windows, letting in fresh air and sunlight -- or you can have the world's largest plug-in headboard. How to choose?