Double wide. Double!

Yeah, it's a mobile home, but really: if the asking price is a mere quarter million, there's only so much effort you can expect the seller to put into the listing.

Once again: aaaacentuate the positive...

True, the house would look like this five minutes after I moved in. But shouldn't listings be a bit more aspirational?

But don't be turned off. This house has other fine qualities, like... um... a large, spray-painted, backwards "j":


And an outdoor dining area!

Winchester Split-Level of Mystery

It's a very narrow hallway leading to a very little door that's three feet off the ground. Perhaps I will move here, and make my kids sleep in the very little room when they're bad. Or maybe I'll store very little things here. Like cookies.

(See! I end on a cheerful note! So my tasteless joke is okay! And my kids never read this anyway... as far as I know. Maybe they do have wifi up in the attic. And yes, I know it's not really a split level. I don't care. Pfffft!)

Mine? Really? Why, thank you!

Is it included in the sale? They don't mention "big heap o' junk" in the listing, so it's not clear.

The importance of planning ahead

"I'm done securing the doors and windows. Have you taken all the photos you need?"

"Yup. Pack it up, and let's get out of here."

"So we'll just walk out through the... $#^@*&!!!"

My first thought is not "I'll take a refreshing dip!"

Eeew.

Squawk!

I like to imagine that the homeowner perches in this hanging chair and talks to the two stuffed birds on their little swings. (But by "like to imagine" I actually mean "am terribly afraid.")