Because I'm comfortable here, damn it, that's why

Mary the Nebraska Realtor writes: "Grandpa can't get out of the chair; let's just sell him with the house."

Yip!

These are not what I usually think of when I picture "junkyard dogs." And this is not what I usually think of when I imagine the backyard of my dream home. (Not even if my dream home "IS LOCATED CLOSE TO THE ALAMEDA SWATMEET").

Smells delicious!

Ahhh... nothing says "home" more than freshly baked chocolate-chip cookies, even if the batter is the stuff you (by "you" I mean "I") get in the giant tub from Costco. And, um, even if "home" appears to be an abandoned construction site.

Come and knock down our door (doo-dee doo-dee doo doo)

We'll be waiting for you (doo-dee doo-dee doo doo)...

Is it my contacts?

...because surely nobody would put a photo this blurry on their listing, would they? And just what's in the bag, anyway?

Thanks to Mary, the Nebraskan realtor!

Squeak!

Jennifer found this little cutie (no, not the house). "It's disturbing enough that all of the photos in the listing are just different angles of the outside of the house, but you also apparently get a free 'pet.'" Just what I wanted!

"GREAT VALUE! REDUCED PRICE!!!"

SUNGLASSES RECOMMENDED!!!!