Aaaahhhhhhhh!

Aaaaaahhhhhh!

*pause for breath*

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!

Yeah, nothing awkward about this at all

Found by Kandi, who asks: "Did someone die in this corner?!"

Suicide girls

No! Don't do it! Don't jump! You have so much to live for!

I shop at Ikea, too!

Yeah, we all have the drawers of leftover Allen wrenches and spare parts for the VCR. But do we all think to share them on our real estate listings? We do not. (Thank you, Carlos L!)

Because I'm comfortable here, damn it, that's why

Mary the Nebraska Realtor writes: "Grandpa can't get out of the chair; let's just sell him with the house."

Yip!

These are not what I usually think of when I picture "junkyard dogs." And this is not what I usually think of when I imagine the backyard of my dream home. (Not even if my dream home "IS LOCATED CLOSE TO THE ALAMEDA SWATMEET").

Smells delicious!

Ahhh... nothing says "home" more than freshly baked chocolate-chip cookies, even if the batter is the stuff you (by "you" I mean "I") get in the giant tub from Costco. And, um, even if "home" appears to be an abandoned construction site.

Come and knock down our door (doo-dee doo-dee doo doo)

We'll be waiting for you (doo-dee doo-dee doo doo)...

Is it my contacts?

...because surely nobody would put a photo this blurry on their listing, would they? And just what's in the bag, anyway?

Thanks to Mary, the Nebraskan realtor!

Squeak!

Jennifer found this little cutie (no, not the house). "It's disturbing enough that all of the photos in the listing are just different angles of the outside of the house, but you also apparently get a free 'pet.'" Just what I wanted!

"GREAT VALUE! REDUCED PRICE!!!"

SUNGLASSES RECOMMENDED!!!!

Rented a tent, a tent, a tent

Amanda found this interesting bit of home decorating. I'm sure there are good reasons for setting up a tent inside your house. Like... um... you have kids who are having a slumber party and are pretending to be camping. Or you're sealing the seams and just don't care about that whole "well-ventilated room" thing.

I'm not sure there are good reasons for having the set-up tent included in the listing when you try to sell your house.

Run, bathtub, run!

Run as fast as your little clawfeet can take you! And save the houseplant, too!

Note to self...

I like to think these say:

SINK
TOILET
BATHTUB

Yet there are no labels for the

TOILET PAPER
WALL
FLOOR

...which makes me sad.

An explanation.

Ah! So that's what you do with two TV sets. You multi-task!

"THIS IS NOT A REO WRECK OR FIXER UPPER"

Really? 'Cause I could swear this is a fixer upper. But the listing says "THIS HOME IS IN ABOVE AVERAGE CONDITION," and I don't argue with ALL CAPS.

Shows what I know.

It's another double TV! I guess it's just... um... something people do.

I'll burn you!

The heater is nervously hugging the wall, hoping the stove won't see it. Who will win the battle of the heat sources? Oh, the suspense!

TV eye

Why two TV sets? Why is the curtain partway open? Why not move the vacuum cleaner out of the way? Did Mary, the Nebraskan realtor, find it because she has to try to sell it? Why? Why? Why?

"City says stay out."

"Interior of home is currently NOT available for viewing. DO NOT ENTER," says the listing. And so we sneak up on it, through the bushes, camera-phone in hand...