Cabin fever

Kathleen found this house. Who wouldn't want to spend a long winter here, all cozy and snug?

Green light. Red light!

For families who really like playing Red Light, Green Light. Really like it. Perhaps at a professional level.

The floor mats, they do nothing

There seems to be an industrial-strength hallway runner here... protecting the carpet? From... from... from what, exactly? And for what optimistic reason?

(Found by Anna. If the link doesn't work, it's MLS 2549201.)

Down periscope

Dive, dive, dive!

How else could you see if the eggs are done?

If your stove doesn't have a range hood, where are you supposed to put the light? Huh? Answer me that, smartypants.

Just turn out the lights and leave the room

Julia found this explicit illustration of what your washer and dryer get up to when you're not home. Oh, the shame.

Look away, it's hideous

Congratulations, Anna! You have found the Most Foul Toilet Ever Featured in a Real Estate Listing! Your prize is one fuzzy toilet-seat cover (pick it up in Irvington at your leisure).


MLS 2506859, since I can't get a link that works. But you might be happier that way, really.

Come dancing

Oh my, this one that Katie found is poignant. They used to have dances here: "This Was At One Time A Grand Old Place Now It Is Just A Lumber And Beams And Old Wood On 2 Lot In A Haunted Town."

Another way to get rid of bedbugs

Note: I am not saying that this house, found by Abbey, really had bedbugs. I'm sure there's some perfectly good reason for doing this to a bed that you're going to showcase in your listing. Like... ah...

(crickets)

One way to get rid of bedbugs (zzzap!)

Sue found this practical bit of furniture. Sure, it looks like a nice comfy bed, doesn't it? But look closely -- really closely -- wait, no, don't bother looking closely, just glance at it, because it's really freakin' obvious that it's a tanning bed. A tanning bed with a blankie and some comfy pillows.

Blessed are the homebuyers

I'm pretty certain Jesus is watching the TV.

Hell no, we won't go!

On one hand: this looks like a perfectly nice house. On the other hand: you'd have to evict the protest march of dolls, and they look feisty.


Found by Sonnjea.

I believe I can fly

Go, bears, go! Fly as fast as your little wings can carry you!


Found by Ann.

There oughtn't to be clowns

Do you like clowns? No, you don't. Nobody likes clowns (except my friend Virginia, for some strange reason that probably has to do with her being raised by thespians). So a simple rule of thumb is this: When trying to make a house appealing to potential buyers, do not have the only interior photo be of clowns.

Found by M.

Oh, Chair, how could you?

What did the big rabbit ever do to you?


Found by Roy.


(Sob...)

Staging my e-mail

I just went through my in box and realized I have no idea what I've replied to. I appreciate all the suggestions you send -- thank you so much! If I didn't write back, I apologize. A computer problem earlier this week left things in chaos, but it should be straightened out soon.

Good boys! Good possessed boys!

When I think "Would I like to live in this house?" My first consideration is "Does it come with a man in shorts carrying a dog with glowing eyes?"


Hmmm. Maybe. But can you toss in a second dog with glowing eyes? Perhaps one that will block the way to the bathroom?


You can? Excellent! Sign me up.


Found by Mary the Nebraska Realtor.

Stock up on dairy creamer!

So Tommy Lee has a Starbucks in his basement. So what? Check out this house Emma found -- buy it, and you can have your very own Orange Julius!

I'll just get the kettle...

Well, sure, this garage is kind of a mess. But messy garages aren't that uncommon, so... Wait.

It's not the garage.

It's the kitchen.

Um... anyway, can I fix you a sandwich?

Old friends (more on the Secret Life of Chairs)

"Hey, Pinky."

"Hi, Mauve. What's on?"

"Oh, just the plants. As usual. Want to watch with me?"

"Sure."

(Contented silence for the next three hours.)

Found by Mary the Nebraska Realtor.