Have you prepared your speech?

"You're probably wondering why I called you here today..."

(Found by Laura.)

You'll save on heating bills

There's just one teensy problem with this house -- it's next door to an active volcano. That isn't going to be a problem, is it? Think of the barbequing possibilities!

But would you want your daughter to marry one?

It's against the law to discriminate on the basis of color when it comes to selling a house, you know. Even the bright yellow among us need places to live.

(Found by Valerie.)

Tip toe

When I flipped through this listing -- found by Helen -- at first I couldn't tell what had caught her eye. So they have a few shelves of snowglobes... so what? I've owned more than my fair share of Homer Laughlin restaurant dishware in my time; I don't begrudge people collections and hobbies.



But then I saw this.


All I can think of is me, this room, and my poor impulse control. Oh, it would be bad.

Load the torpedo tubes

Prepare to launch sleepyhead in five... four... three...


(Found by Bill.)

Naughty chairs!

Get down from there right now! Do you want a time out like the vacuum cleaners?

We're going to need a bigger tortilla chip.

It's a pond! A lovely pond! A pond for your children to play in! A pond found by Brad, who points out that there's just one flaw: the pond is filled with store-bought guacamole.


(No, I never will get tired of the "We're going to need a bigger [blank]" line.)