For people who hate to bake

Oven? What oven?

Found by Whitney, who points out that "the listing remarks say that the gas bill is less than $10.00 a month -- BECAUSE YOU CAN'T USE THE OVEN."

Hi!

I'm sure you're a very nice person, random person in listing found by Seth, but... I'd really rather have some alone time right now. It's not you. It's me.

No, just kidding -- it's you!

Once upon a time, all listings looked like this

We know they had a camera, because they took interior photos (hoo boy did they take interior photos) in this listing that Stuart found. And yet this is the exterior shot they think will draw in the buyers in this market. I am... am... well, I'm not a real estate agent, what do I know about selling houses? Bupkis. And that is why I'm not trying to sell a house.

It would be good, I think, of more people paused for a few seconds of self-reflection before starting a business transaction that will run into hundreds of thousands of dollars. "Do I know anything about selling a house? No? Huh, so maybe I should find someone who does."


Still, look! It comes with a hand truck. Maybe we can use it to carry the dustcatchers out of the photo. Grab the handle -- go on -- just use your thumb and index finger to make little pinchy motions...

Man, I picked a bad day to wear corncob earrings on my walk in the woods

Tweet, tweet! RAR NOM NOM NOM NOM *crunch crunch crunch*

Kelli found this disturbing illustration. She says she would've looked at the property, but was prevented by her fear of man-size birds.

Shhh. It'll bolt if you startle it.

Be vewwy vewwy quiet. I'm hunting houses. Nocturnal houses.

Found by David.

One year lease with time off for good behavior

I used to live in New York City. My first child was born there, I have good friends there, and I still have fond feelings for the city. Public transportation! Restaurants! The Natural History museum! The Unisphere! Pan de yuca!

Until I see a listing like this one that Jax found... and suddenly, my bland suburban neighborhood seems just dandy.

Since it's craigslist and the ad will disappear soon, I'm going to copy and paste the excellent description: "Room Available November 1st. Room is approx. 10x8 (no windows). Room has private bathroom. There is no separation between bathroom and bedroom. Room is in basement. Private, no roommates. No kitchen access but you do have a mini fridge and microwave. Utilities are included. Located less than one block from L train, Bedford Ave and B61 bus. Please email some info about yourself along with how long you are looking to sublet for. (Optional semi-furnished)." "North 7th street at Bedford Ave" $550.

I suppose I'm cheating by having the photo here -- it's not like there's a better photo they could've taken.

OooooohhhhhhHHHHHhhhh

Buy my apartment or I shall haunt your current residence... woooooh.....

Found by Carolina... woooooooooh....

(I can't figure out how to spell out a good ghost noise.)