Bring your own smudge sticks, salt, holy water...

"If you do sense something that is very disruptive or frightening to you in some way, then it's better to bring in someone who is skilled in the way of exorcism, because this is what will need to be performed. This is also often the case where a house has been built on an ancient burial site, where the spirits are disturbed and displeased."

-WikiHow's "How to Spiritually Cleanse Your Home of Psychic Disturbances"

Found by Marianne. Your nightmares tonight are her fault.

Pardon the interruption...

... but please, if you're an American, vote.

If you've already voted, thank you!

Hi! I mean, bonjour!

Laura found this happy trio in a listing. Unfortunately I don't speak French, so I can't tell you if they're included in the house. Probably, though. C'est pas grave!

Go, team!

Yes! I will buy your house! YEAH! Found by Jodi!

But if the photo above isn't enough to convince you... how about this?


Actually, I think my kids would love that yard. So let's ignore it and instead go back to thinking about why people include photos of themselves in their listings. Has anyone ever been on the fence about a house purchase, looked at the listing one last time, seen a photo of the current owners, and had that be the deciding factor? Yes?

Speeding motorcycle -- let's be smart

Charity found this listing, in her neighborhood. I know very little about motorcycles, but I'm pretty certain they're supposed to have two wheels. Or is this a motorized unicycle? Man, I'd love to see that. Vrooom!

Swim away, fishy! Swim!

Someone call the Animal Rescue League! I think they're about to eat that fish. The table's pulled up, the chairs are there... oh, I can't stand to watch.

(wanders off to the kitchen to make a tuna sandwich)

"Buyer should obtain inspection prior to making an offer."

No, really, obtain that inspection:

"Enjoy the Front Porch with your very own porch swing!"

*bonk*

Ow!

*bonk*

Ow!

*bonk*

Ow!

*bonk*

Ow!

*bonk*

Ow!

*bonk*

Ow!


(Found by Kristy)

Do you want it or not? I haven't got all day.

Hey, buddy. Wanna buy a house?

What do you mean, what kind of house? It's a house, okay? It's just a freaking house. Do you want it or not? What, you want a photo? Oh for... fine. Here's a photo.



There. Happy? It's a house. No, not that one, that one over there, yeah, that one. See, it has a window or something, and a garage, maybe two, I don't know, look, it's just a house! How much information do you need?

Sheesh.

Sold! I can't wait to move in.

Why? Why? Why? Why?

Found by Simon.

Why?

Something for everyone

Bob sent me this listing because the custom paint job had caught his eye, but it's this photo that I found particularly disturbing:


When I hear "Los Angeles" I think "earthquake" (admittedly that's not the first thing, but it's up there right below "Luke Perry's forehead" and above "change in an instant, change in an instant"). I don't know how I could sleep with all this dirt piled up, waiting to attack me when the Tectonic Plate Gods become angered.

Look, you can lose sleep over the economy or the election if you want; I'm going to worry that my sacrifices might not be up to date.

Do we offend?

Emily & Kitty found this woman who just couldn't get away from us fast enough. Wait! Come back! We're nice... we're just a bunch of snarky people... sigh.

Isn't California voting on something like this next week?

I usually don't care what two (or more) consenting adults do in the privacy of their bedroom (or website), but this -- this is Wrong.

Found by BikerPuppy, who points out that the listing mentions the "private garage." This is important, because whoever buys this house obviously cares a lot about privacy.

I swear, officer, it's not grass

When Jim e-mailed me this listing, my first thought was "What's the big deal?" (because I'm rude like that, but just silently. In my head. I wouldn't share it. Oh damnit, I just did.) So it's a house with a lawn... oh... wait... that's not a lawn. Put the mower away, dear.

*hic*

Not only does Texas not have an open container law, but it's also legal to sell real estate while under the influence. Yee-haw!

Found by Andra.

P.S. I made that up about the open container laws. I have no idea if it's true.

I won't clean up for a penny under $1,000,000

Oh, San Francisco, where a one million dollar house isn't worth half a day's cleaning...

Peek-a-boo

I've long wondered why agents would include photos of the residents in their listings. It seems the people behind this listing, which househunter Valerie found, agree. Privacy now!

Don't let my kids see this one

LET THIS SERVE AS A WARNING TO ALL DOLLS WHO THINK ABOUT ENTERING THIS HOUSEHOLD.


Found by Katie.

All this could be yours!

C'mon in! Make yourself comfortable!

(Another disturbing find by Jayce.)

For people who hate to bake

Oven? What oven?

Found by Whitney, who points out that "the listing remarks say that the gas bill is less than $10.00 a month -- BECAUSE YOU CAN'T USE THE OVEN."