A bowl of raisin bran might help

If you need a shop vac and a coffee maker in the bathroom... you're doing something wrong. (If you're actually doing the thing very, very, right, I don't want to know about it.)

BDRMS: 3 BATH: 2, ALTARS: 6

There's something out there for everyone! Buddhist (and slightly tipsy)?


Catholic?


You're covered!

(The bottom house was found by Emily, who saw it here.)

And now... back to the ugly.

When I first glanced at this listing found by Freelance Writer, I thought it was tile behind the toilet. But.... no:

New "It's Lovely!" HQ

Oh my god, this is wonderful. It was found by Gav who, I'm guessing from his Austin Powers comment, thought it was shagtastic. But I love it! Really! It's excellent! Look! It's like a museum, or a Dwell photo spread!

I'm buying it and moving in and keeping it that impeccably clean. I'll use an orange rotary phone, and listen to LPs, and look things up in World Book. I shall cook meals involving cans of condensed soup.

And then I'm going to hang up portraits of Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong-il in every room, just to finish the look.

"BUYERS ARE TO ASSURE THEMSELVES"

I don't see anything upsetting at all in this listing that Jessi found. Nope, nope, it's all fluffy white clouds. Tra la la...

Holland: Land of Tanning Beds

This houseboat was found by Sue, who thinks it's a retirement home for circus folk. The tent-like roof; the King Tut mask; the mirrors; where to begin? (Click through for the bathroom with the wall mounted TV, the tanning bed, and the gnomes and Native American Buddha around the tub.) But oddly enough, my eye is caught by the flower arrangement above. Are those two fly swatters sticking out of it?

Victorian Victorian

Christine found this classy B&B. Nothing says "worth almost a million bucks" like porn on the walls!

Plus we have an old friend dropping by. Perhaps the chair had made a reservation for the B&B, and wasn't notified about the changes:

Princess Leia's vacation cabin

This house, found by Suzanne, is where holograms come to kick back on weekends. They wipe their hologram feet when they first come in so they don't get hologram mud on the hologram carpet, then they relax on the hologram sofa with the hologram throw cushions.

Don't look over there, look over here

Adrian found this listing. What's the big deal? Nice yard...


Fine bedroom...



AHHHHHHHHHHH!


Not only was there a terrible fire, but ohmygod isn't that a walker there to the right? Could they not get that out of the way before taking the photo?

All you need to know

If you were going to have only one photo for a listing, would this be the one you chose? Of course! What else could people be curious about? True I can't tell what this is a photo of, but I've never been to Utah. I'm sure it makes sense to locals.

Found by a real estate professional who wishes to remain anonymous.

Unidentified machinery included?

Saves me the trouble of abandoning my own car there, I suppose...

Hi!

Don't let us bother you! No, no, don't get up -- we'll see ourselves out.

skitter skitter

Skitter. Skitter skitter. Skitter skitter skitter skitter. Skitter!

Green quarter-acre is the place for meeee

Front yard!


Back yard!

So verdant.

rrrrrrrrroooooommmmmmmmmmm

"I'm outta here," said the lawnmower, turning its back and storming off.

Get out the dustpan and you're done

"This luxurious new timber frame home awaits your finishing preferences!" Really, just a few weekends of To Do lists and you're all set.

Found by Lois. Hi Mom!

The housing bubble is doing fine

For those of you -- and it's to your credit -- who found the previous listing to be too much, Ironygirl found a nice bubble to climb into and float away... wait for me! I'm coming too!

Hi!

Do you come with the house? I do not know how I feel about that. "Tenative agreements with tenants to move out" sounds... complicated.

The man above is from the additional bit here, along with many shots of a fridge with a lock on it and general squalor and poverty. I have to say, it would take a certain kind of person to see these photos and think "Yes! This is a world I want to be involved with, in a landlord sort of way!" EDIT: And, on further reflection, it also takes a certain kind of person to see the listing and think "I'll put this on my humor blog!" Whoops.

Found by Thaddius.

For the ladies

"Large Games room - currently used for Pole Dancing Fitness Classes." I believe you; millions wouldn't.


Found by Christine. And then Melissa. Then Kristen... should I be worried that so many people see basement stripper poles and think of me?

Hold the door!

I'll be right there -- I can't wait to move in!

Found by Anne.