I have poor impulse control

Rar! I want to go on a spree in this room! Throw paint! Wear my outside shoes! Jump up and down! Roast a pig! Move one chair a fraction of an inch away from the wall and watch the homeowner go insane!

"Be aware of transients living throughout property."

Heather found this listing, with its friendly advice that one should "be aware of transients living throughout the property." I like the offhand tone. Oh, those? The things scattered throughout the property? They're just transients. Tra la la..."

And the photo? What? What's the problem with this photo? Would you prefer to have the mattresses inside the house? I think not.

They've already changed the listing, the spoilsports, but here you go:

Look away, children

"How is this porn?" you might ask, disappointed. But look at it. Look at the filthy, filthy listing Esmee found. Take a closer look:



It's clearly fish heading upstream. And why do fish head upstream?

You know.

Fish business.

Nasty fish business.

Tsk tsk tsk.

Everybody say "I like it!"

The house, the house, the house is on fire!

We don't need no water 'cause it's actually just paint


(Found by Toni.)

A humble listing

I spend a ridiculous amount of time looking at listings, and I'm finding this one refreshing. No "A little TLC and this gem will shine!" No "Act now because this one's going fast!" No "A total remodel!" Just "front of house looks average." Ho hum.

Hi!

Katt found this welcoming seller. Yes, it's true that she has no eyes and instead has one of those Cylon beep-beep-beep visors. But it's yellow, which is cheerful! So don't be afraid! C'mon in!

So you don't get wet, of course

Maja would like the world to know that no, despite the evidence above, it is not normal for Germans to use umbrellas while taking showers. Uh-huh.