It's just there to add a dash of color

Jim found this one. Admittedly, there's a fine web of CAUTION tape everywhere:



But I DON'T CARE. I'm moving there. Look! It's a water tower! How freaking cool is that? (Answer: very!) I'm sure the CAUTION tape is just there as a decorative element.



Oh. Wait. I just noticed the toilet is in the bedroom, with nary a door between it and... well, anything else in the house. I guess I'm not as Bohemian as I thought. Pass!

I'm too sleepy to be mean

Kelly, who found this listing, and I have the same problem. We know we shouldn't like it, and yet... isn't it sort of wonderful? So cheery! So clean! And with that weird everything-in-focus quality so many of the Australian and New Zealandish listings have! I'm 90% certain the building doesn't exist and this is just a computer simulation, but hey, no house is perfect.

A rovin', a rovin

Arr, maties! The sloop Dustbunny sails again! Raise the Jolly Roger! Hoist the mainsail! Shiver my timbers! Keel my haul! Kiss my grits!

A for effort

Leaving a strange yellow puddle on the floor, that would be gross. But cleaning it up? Good for you! (But next time you might want to pick the rag up before taking the photo. Maybe. Possibly.)

Bedroom / window / closet? Don't be so picky.

"Nice Size Bedroom ,Closet & Window" says this listing Michelle found. I see how this is a bedroom and closet, but how is it a window?

Oh, Adobe, you have so much to answer for

I have never been at a loss for words before. But... this listing... this listing found by Sarah... I just... what?

what

what what what

what

I am the... what was I saying?

I know y'all said those were Bible verses in the Jon & Kate house, but come on. Nobody would really have religious messages in their listings, would they? That would just be weird.

Oh.

Wait.

(Found by Christine.)

Hello, ossifer, what seems to be the problem?

Shhhh. Everyone be quiet and maybe he'll go away.


(Found by Kris.)

Lord, this must be my destination

Lizzie found this painfully honest listing. At least I hope it's honest. Because if they're writing "what is nestled next to a grave yard, a rundown eye sore and pink all over?" in a listing and that isn't honesty -- if they're actually hiding, you know, the bad qualities while including several photos of the graves right over the fence -- than just what could be in that basement? Radon? A burst sewer pipe? Bigfoot?

THEY'RE MELTING! THEY'RE MELTING!

kw found these photos. I'm not one for using my kids photos on craigslist, so this kind of makes sense. On the other hand, OH MY GOD WHAT'S WRONG WITH THEM?!?

So it's kind of a toss up.

I have poor impulse control

Rar! I want to go on a spree in this room! Throw paint! Wear my outside shoes! Jump up and down! Roast a pig! Move one chair a fraction of an inch away from the wall and watch the homeowner go insane!

"Be aware of transients living throughout property."

Heather found this listing, with its friendly advice that one should "be aware of transients living throughout the property." I like the offhand tone. Oh, those? The things scattered throughout the property? They're just transients. Tra la la..."

And the photo? What? What's the problem with this photo? Would you prefer to have the mattresses inside the house? I think not.

They've already changed the listing, the spoilsports, but here you go:

Look away, children

"How is this porn?" you might ask, disappointed. But look at it. Look at the filthy, filthy listing Esmee found. Take a closer look:



It's clearly fish heading upstream. And why do fish head upstream?

You know.

Fish business.

Nasty fish business.

Tsk tsk tsk.

Everybody say "I like it!"

The house, the house, the house is on fire!

We don't need no water 'cause it's actually just paint


(Found by Toni.)

A humble listing

I spend a ridiculous amount of time looking at listings, and I'm finding this one refreshing. No "A little TLC and this gem will shine!" No "Act now because this one's going fast!" No "A total remodel!" Just "front of house looks average." Ho hum.

Hi!

Katt found this welcoming seller. Yes, it's true that she has no eyes and instead has one of those Cylon beep-beep-beep visors. But it's yellow, which is cheerful! So don't be afraid! C'mon in!

So you don't get wet, of course

Maja would like the world to know that no, despite the evidence above, it is not normal for Germans to use umbrellas while taking showers. Uh-huh.

We are sailing, we are sailing...

Man, this room was made for kids to play Lifeboat on. Don't let your feet touch the carpet! No, really, I mean it, don't let your feet touch the carpet. Not because you're playing Lifeboat, but because the dust bunnies will leap out and kill us all.

House for sell!!!!

Mary the Nebraska Realtor has found another doozy. Incapable of picking which photo is my favorite, I choose them all.

"Why does this keep getting taken down?" Why? Why is The Man keeping Angela down?

Seven years of bad listings

Ooh, that must've made an interesting sound when it broke...