...for certain definitions of "motivated."

The "seller is very motivated," but not urgently enough to drag the truck canopy out of the shot. Or maybe it's not just a canopy. Maybe it's an entire truck, but the body sank into the driveway.

Ve haff vays of making you buy the Haus

Who told you about this listing? Who? Tell us, damn you!

"Fixer! Fixer! Fixer!"

Can I add to this description? No, I cannot. "Major fixer upper. Needs lots of work no bathrooms fixtures, toilets, tiles. No light fixtures, no kitchen cabinets, partial carpets, stucco needs finish. No landscape needs fence contractors. Dream major fixer sold as is. Needs some windows & new doors, may need some roofing & garage door, no exhaust fans present in kitchen or bathrooms & steps need repairs. Fixer Fixer Fixer!"

Just to make sure that you understand it's a fixer fixer fixer (to be read in your best "Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!" voice), the photo has been altered to make it look worse than it does in real life. Is it three photos stitched together? Or does someone really not want to sell the house?

I have no idea.

"This home needs some TLC"

Just a wee bit of TLC, that's all it needs. No, no, that's not anything bad there on the walls -- and floor, and ceiling, and in the lungs of the photographer, and perhaps seeping out of the monitors of anyone who looks at the listing -- it's, um... darkness. Yup. Just a shadow. Tranquil, isn't it?

X

DO NOT SIT HERE


DO NOT OPEN THIS FRIDGE


FEEL FREE TO TAKE A NICE RELAXING NAP HERE, THOUGH. AHHH. SO WARM.

Oh, Eth, how we'll miss you.

Poor Eth. So young, so mothy. At least we'll always have this listing to remember you by.

(Found by Ingrid.)

Please bring the flag

My God, that's poignant.