Dear new owner...

Aw, look! They left you a little "Welcome to your new home" note.

Luxury!

All thiiiissss... could be youuuuurrrrsssss....


(Found by Elizabeth.)

Trial Version!

This happy crew was found by Mr. Zarquon. I think it's sweet that the three women haven't shunned the conjoined twins in the middle.

Suck it in just a little further, buddy...

Peek-a-boo! I see you! You should learn how to crop photos, too!

To be fair: he is hiding behind the cupboard. To be even more fair: he's hiding on the wrong frikkin' side of the cupboard.


(Found by Tim.)

The Citgo sign is just out of the frame

So that's what's on the other side of the Green Monster. I think they make David Ortiz go there when they can't take his spitting one... minute... longer.

Humanity won't be happy until the last interior decorator...

I'm not much of a class warrior, for the good reason that I'm firmly middle class and wouldn't know who to go to war against, or what my agenda should be: jogging strollers for all? Give us Costco executive membership or give us death? Don't tread on me, please?

But when I see a listing like this one, found by MidC Frank, I think it might be time for a little adjustment in our economic system. If you're going to spend ten million clams and do this... well, maybe you'd be happier out here in suburbia with me.


(Also found by Cara, who saw it on blog.deleteyourself.com, but I'd already written this entry so Cara just gets the small letters. And then Melanie sent me it. You see a big nekkid lady, you think of me. Hurray! No, really, hurray. Thanks to all three of you. I couldn't do this without the e-mails I get.)

Built during the bricklayers' strike of 1918

Oh, I don't know. Just put some bricks there. No, like that. That! OK, now put some.... I don't know.... there. Or there, whatever, I don't care, just slap the bricks together and let's call it a day.

This is Allston, not LA

Aww, Elizabeth found a listing in Allston, my old home. I appreciate the honesty. The real estate agent could've had the kitchen as the main photo, or an exterior, or really pretty much anything, but he went with the graffittied garage. Start planning your keggers now! Tell the rugby team the party's at your place!

P.S. I actually lived in Lower Allston, which is entirely different.

It's the mud creature!

Go, stroller, go! The mud creature's nearly got you! Roll as fast as your little wheels can carry you!

The mud and the blood and the beer and the "for sale" sign

Allison found this evidence of a bar brawl. Save valuable family time! Buy a house with the fight already in progress!

This Listing: Now with More White Power!

To go with yesterday's gun-toting Canadians, we have this intriguing bit of artwork in a listing. Is that a superior race swastika or a transgressive artistic statement swastika? Which would be more annoying to live with, neo-Nazis or art students?


(Listing and title by Marc. Thanks to the Longboat, too.)

"Serene small town living"

Jess found this listing. Ah, so wholesome: just two people out in the gazebo. Two people enjoying a summer day... two people armed with guns, aiming out at the neighbors (or neighbours, since they're Canadian).

Really. That's what I see. Am I wrong? And if I'm right, is that Hurley? If I'm wrong, then what are they doing -- shooting lost explorers with blow darts?

You should see how much the steering wheel costs

Yours for just $18,000: this three bed, one bath side-view mirror!

(Found by needled. Row!)

Falls down lighter! And fluffier!

OK, yes, it's a popcorn ceiling and chances are it's full of Chrysotile. I can see how you might think that was bad. (Apparently the residents don't, because they seem to still be using this room to keep your clothes in.) But look! It's self-removing! Wait long enough and it will all peel down, saving you thousands of dollars in asbestos-abatement fees!

Swab the decks! And don't forget the living room.

I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason for a garden hose to be running in the front door...


...and through the living room. Like... ah... well, there could be a fire in the kitchen. That would require a hose, wouldn't it? Or maybe... um... well, wait. Maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way. Maybe the hose isn't going in the front door, it's going out it. Really the water is going from the... waterbed? to the... garden? Or something?

clap clap clap clap

The lawns at night are green and bright
In the listings of Texas
Reminds me of mumble mumble mumble... glove?
In the listings of Texas

(Found by Maggie)

Mutant Listing

From Linda comes this mutant hand reaching toward whoever's on the pot. Grr! Argh!

Stop picking on the poor Realtors

Poor, poor real estate agents. Not only are home sales down by mumble percent from last year and mumble percent of mortgages are underwater or upside-down or cattywompas, but then they get houses like this one they have to try to come up with listings for. Poor dears.

(Found by Rachel.)

Charge!

Get it! Rar! Attack the bush! Don't let it near the house -- I think it's trying to steal our cinderblocks!

...for certain definitions of "motivated."

The "seller is very motivated," but not urgently enough to drag the truck canopy out of the shot. Or maybe it's not just a canopy. Maybe it's an entire truck, but the body sank into the driveway.