A few people have asked lately where Chair is. Don't worry. Gingerbeer found Chair taking a little break, relaxing with a good friend. After all the hard work of getting to be #2 in the world domination list, it's time to kick back and... uh... ignore the nice view.
For your Sunday needs: Erin found this single-family, three bedroom, two bath, one apse house. Good luck getting the current tenant out -- He's got a notoriously bad temper.
What's this? Oh, it's just Money magazine's annual list of the 100 "best investments, strategies, products, and people in the world of money," that's all. Tum-te-tum. And leafing through, what do we find?
HOLY CRAP. This blog is the world of money's second best investment, strategy, product, and person! Lil' old It's Lovely! I'll Take It! We're number two! We're number two! We're number two!
To which I have to say: watch your back, FNBO Direct Online Savings Account. Watch your back.
Like most parents, I sometimes -- no more than ten or twenty times a day -- think I'm royally messing up my kids through my incompetence. But then I look at this listing, found on Foute Huizen, and I realize that so long as I'm not deliberately and painstakingly inducing nightmares in my kids I'm probably okay.
Smoooooth. From the pink bidet to the slightly charred chandelier, this says "Waldeslust!" all over it. Not that I have any idea what "Waldeslust!" means, but really, it says it all over it:
Brilliant! As a tall person, I say it's about time we had toilets that gave extra legroom.
I walked off the dusty street and through the swinging doors of this house, hoping for a drink to sooth my parched throat. The piano player stopped playing, the bartender looked up from the mug he was wiping, and everyone at the card game turned to stare.
"Howdy, boys," I said. "I'm just a Realtor, passing through town. I don't mean to bother nobody. I'll just leave my card and move on."
(Found by Mandy.)
Househunter Lorena was sent this listing by her real estate agent as a potential new home. She didn't say, but I'm presuming the Realtor looks something like this:
"I said I wanted crown molding on the ceiling, Leroy! Crown molding, not... Oh, never mind, I'll get used to it."
Ah, New Zealand, you never let me down.
Fiona found this disturbing scene. I think that the stove stunned the chairs while their backs were turned, causing them to pass out face-first. There's really no other explanation. But what will the stove do now, if it can escape the jail it's being held in? And what's that weird other alcove to the left? And why do listings from New Zealand all look so vibrant and computer-generated? Does New Zealand really exist? Has anyone actually been there?
Becky found this aviary / three-bedroom colonial. One photo of loose parrots, I would understand; this listing has four of them.
I'm sure there are people who own caged birds and who live in houses that don't smell of droppings and wet newspaper. Really. They must exist. And this could well be just such a house.
(I spent far too long trying to find one word for "parrot droppings" with no luck. "Guano" gets used, but I don't think it's right. But my hay fever is in full bloom and it's a wonder I can even remember how to log into this website, never mind coming up with the right term for parrot fewmet.)
"Lower level(above ground)" says this listing, found by Suzanne and Corinne. Above ground. Far, far above ground... plus it includes a living room, a breakfast nook, a bedroom, and a full bathroom!
On the count of three, come out of your corners swinging. One... two...
(Found by Candace.)
Ellen found this delightful mansion in Duckburg. Who's never wrong, but always right? Who'd never dream of starting a fight?
Oh, her? Don't worry about her. She only comes out once in a while. We're pretty certain she's the Ghost of Affordable Housing in Seattle. She won't bother you at all.
Frikkin' trees. Mulch 'em all, let the worms sort them out: that's my motto.
(Found by Kalissa. Warning: samba music.)
If chairs are very very good, and eat all their vegetables, and say their prayers, and don't pick up any coffee stains, then this is where they go when they die.
It's Lovely! I'll Take It! makes the San Francisco Chronicle! I knew all my San Francisco love would be repaid eventually. Mwah!
Oh, God. What did I do last night? Why am I waking up on this floor? Is that pizza in my hair? Whose idea was it to drink Singapore Slings? Well, there's nothing for it but to unstick my forehead from the floor, find a cup of coffee, and put the house up for sale.
