Oh, hi, Chairs. Ruth told me she'd seen you guys waiting here. Yeah, I've been mentioning you a few times in my blog lately... we're cool, though, right? You know it's out of affection, right? This is a welcoming party, not a threatening gang, right? Because you're looking a little thuggish standing there all together...
please don't hurt me
This photo is the best -- the loveliest! the most flattering! -- of the lot in the listing Emily found.
Is this the house? Would you really call it a Cape Cod, as the listing does? Just what does it mean when it says it has air conditioning? Does "air conditioning" mean something other to you than it does to me? When you're at the hardware store picking up supplies for emergency roof repair, do you think something like this: "Oh, and I need to get one of those big things... those waterproof things... what are they called? They're big, and blue, and flat... I know! 'Air conditioning'! That's what they're called!"
Grab the children! Run! The volcano has erupted and there's lava everywhere! Go, for the love of all that's holy! Save the listing and run!
There are many perfectly good reasons for putting Saran Wrap over the top third of your fireplace before taking its photo for a listing, as Rebecca found. For example:
ah
um
hey, I hear my mom calling, gotta go
Josh found this listing, and pointed out something I didn't see right away: "Mmmh. A foreclosure that is empty except for a red, 1-gallon can of gasoline." Whoops.
Buy now! Won't last long!
Oh, come on. For a quarter million bucks, couldn't you at least fill the gum machine? What are they teaching them at staging school these days, anyway?
Rule #1 of staging: ALWAYS FILL THE GUM MACHINE.
Oh, the tragedy of the love triangle. Who will the lotion choose? The strong shoulders of the mannequin, or the lighthearted ways of the TV?
P.S. The obvious Silence of the Lambs comment will not be approved, as per the longstanding and never-before-divulged policy of the It's Lovely! I'll Take It! board of moderators.
P.P. S. Found by Procrastamom.
Hello. I'm so happy to see you. Please come in. Have some champagne. No, you can't sit down. It's not that sort of party. It's the other kind. Whee. Hurray.
I was going to say something cutting about including this photo in a real estate listing, but c'mon. These Realtors are armed. Like, with guns, real guns. All I have to defend myself is a three-inch-deep layer of Lego scattered by the front door -- and let's face it, these guys probably don't live in shoes-off houses. So: keep it up! Great listing! Good luck!
If the charms don't work, try prayer. And if prayer doesn't work... well, you've always got your backup plan.
(Found by Heather.)
For the family that likes popcorn. Really, really likes popcorn... Okay, wait, time for a sanity check. This probably makes no sense to anyone other than me. Here, this is what I'm thinking of:
See it? See it? It's not just me, right?
Huh.
Oh dear.
I'm going to go lie down in a nice dark room until this passes. I may be some time.
My house suffers from Pink Bathtubitis too, so I really shouldn't raise an eyebrow at this listing Karen found. What are you going to do, after all? You've got a house to sell, the bathroom is pink, you're not going to remodel. All you can do is carefully frame the photo so you get in your collection of collections and hope for the best.
When my husband saw I had this listing, found by Caedmon, up on my computer, he asked "Why do you hate turtles? Why do you hate chihuahuas? They're so cute. Why do you hate them? Why?"
I'm sorry, turtle and chihuahua. Go about your yippy, slow ways. I will say nothing bad about you. Go! Go now, before I change my mind!
Don't click on that photo Philip found. Don't do it. You'll regret it. Trust me. Just don't. Don't don't don't. Go do something else. Maybe a nice walk? Or cookies, you could make cookies. The hallway closet always needs cleaning.
There are many, many things other than clicking on that photo you could do, and I suggest that you go do them all.
C'mon, kids! It's time for a round of The Goose Game. Mary, you're in charge of can of paint -- try not to get any on the TV this time, sweetie. Jake, the metal scoop is yours. I'll take the small stool; hun, do you want the large one? And baby gets the pole, as usual. First one to get the goose to the big X wins a point. Go!
(Found by Kathleen.)
*boing!*
THUMP
*boing!*
THUMP
*boing!*
THUMP
*boing!*
THUMP!
(Found by Cathy.)
