"You can choose to paint your apartment"

Good Lord, those are enormous, pointy... curtains.

(Found by Aeryn.)

It's worth it to be so close to Archie McPhee's

 

You're trying to sell a house. You could try to get the blue tarp out of the way, a job that would take all of five minutes... or you could say "It's only a quarter million bucks for a two-bedroom, 100-year-old house with a wood stove for heat. Screw it," and just take the photo.

Fear the white plastic fury

Those of you who have been thinking there's too much Chair might want to see this listing Sarah found. This was a perfectly nice kitchen until Chair had a full-on temper tantrum and destroyed the place, then stormed off.

Do not mess with Chair.

Help me help me please Chair is threatening me

Hand me a flame thrower

Eeeeeek

You're so sadly neglected, and often ignored

Yeah, I know just how you feel. The thought of cleaning my garage makes me depressed, too.

(Found by Jackie, who might buy the house despite the noose.)

No, no, it's a heated towelrack

Oh, man. This reminds me of my first apartment in New York City. One day I discovered that I could remain seated, shall we say, while turning off the whistling tea kettle. To whoever lives in that apartment now, I offer you this listing as consolation: at least the shower isn't in the kitchen. Or maybe, at least the kitchen isn't in the bathroom? Anyway. The listing points out that

This Charming Chelsea Apartment Includes:

• A windowed kitchen and modern appliances

• A full bathroom

Somehow they forget to mention that the windowed kitchen and the full bathroom are occupying the same spot.

(Found by Rachael. And yes, I know I'm cheating and that there really is no better photograph for this situation and that this will make some people angry, but know what? I don't care! Tra la la!)

Vrrrroomba

I don't know much about staging, but one thing I'm pretty certain about: just because your minibike matches your vacuum cleaner doesn't mean you should park it in the dining room.

Hi!

Hi! Mind if I disturb your bookkeeping for just one sec? My organization is in your neighborhood tonight, collecting for the Fund to Help People Who Need More Household Textiles. Do you happen to have any spare household textiles? We'll take anything.

No?

You sure?

You don't have any household textiles you can spare?

You're using it all?

Well, okay. Thanks for your time!