I'm sticking with you

 

Aw, it's a heart made out of glue. And a... thing. Stuck to another thing. I can't quite tell what this is a picture of, but fortunately the listing Katryn found -- which uses this photo, and only this photo -- says that this is "A 1 BEDROOM PB APARTMENT ON THE GROUND FLOOR..." So I guess this is the PB part.

I blame moles.

 

Nope, nope, not trying to hide anything here in the listing Loquacity found. That's just the way grass grows in Australia -- in little identical clumps.

Please don't be real, don't be real, don't be real...

 

OK, I'm 99% certain this listing Giuliana found is a fake. But 1% of me thinks of some of the other listings I've seen and wonders...

Oh, there's a smudged URL in one of the photos. That is a tad suspicious. Ah well... The world is probably a better place for this one not being real. But if you'd like to see more like this, You Suck at Craigslist holds hours of glee for you.

Legs crossed

 

Dang, poor Chair. I hate when there's a line for the outhouse.



(Found by (@_@) ac900434.)

It just needs a tilde in the URL

Things are about to get ugly around here while I mess with the layout. Apologies in advance. I really ought to learn how these computer things work...

Ooh, I know, to distract you I'll put up one of those old "under construction" pictures. It'll be just like geocities circa 1995!

UPDATE: Okay, that's the worst of it done. Thoughts?

FURTHER UPDATE: Eh, I've decided the three columns makes it too cluttered. So hold on while I destroy everything RARRRRR

Like a stuffed animal, but flat

 

Who's a cute little fuzzy wall? You is! Yes you is. I just want to cuddle with you, you cute little furry basement. Awwww. And Kate found you, yes she did! Fuzzy Wuzzy was a wall! Tickle tickle tickle!

Closely resembling a real house

 

I'm pretty certain this is 3-D, but I've got a lazy eye and those damn things never work for me.  Here, print these off and see if it works, will you?

 

 

Note: glasses not from listing

Note note: No, really, if I don't say that someone will think they are

Not included: sand

Yes, I like the apartment Karen found very much, but there's one thing... you see, I have a jar of Vaseline, and I need to be able to keep it on a bathroom cabinet. I just don't know. Will it fit?

It will? Are you sure?

A photo! Thank you! How helpful. Now I know just what a jar of petroleum jelly would look like. That's very important information.

"Do not Disturb tenants..."

... they're already disturbed enough.

UPDATE: As per Bill's Bayou's suggestion, the photo currently on the listing:



Ahh. Much better.


ANOTHER UPDATE: From Bill's Bayou:

Spoooooky....

This listing needs to make wudu

 

What a modest three-bedroom townhouse Katrina found!

"Calvmkztm obcqu dyfigl erlacppyaq obcqu qvlw obcqu alvmkztm obcqu."

 

Well, sure, I like the house, and I like the thought of raising my children there. One thing, though. I can't quite picture what it would look like during a home break-in, and that's very important to me.

Oh! Like that! Great -- just what I needed! Thanks.

(Found by Jeannine. Gibberish in title taken from the listing. I think it's the sound the photographer made after seeing the stealthy, stealthy person.)

EDIT: Here's the video people are talking about. It's a bad boy. It's nuts, man.

All the Realtors go "tweet tweet tweet"

Aww. How cheery!

What happened to this blog? First a little sleeping begartered baby, now little tweety goldfinches. I used to be cool, man. Now I'm so full of sweetness and decency that I'm not even going to comment on the six-food tall flowers and how they're surely a sign of nuclear waste being buried in the backyard, and if they can grow to that height who's to say they won't tear themselves out of the ground and stomp around making mad tulip sounds.

Pfffffff! Unleash the tulips of Hell!

The listing is here, but a) I couldn't get it to work in Firefox, and b) it slowed my computer waaaay down for a good ten minutes when I tried it in another browser, and c) it has music. On the other hand the birds are animated, and how awesome is that?

UPDATE: Yeah, everyone else can get it to work. I'm uncool and don't know how to use a computer. Both!

That's not where garters go, silly

 

Danieka found this "4 bedroom 2 bathroom Double garage home." Me, I'm wondering how long until little Henley Brook has her own show on Disney.

VWL MVMNT

BTH RM T NRRW FR VWLS


(FND B R2K)

Ajax really isn't that expensive

Yeah, the kitchen's a pit. But what do you expect? It's on the market for just $67,500. How much work can you expect the people selling it do do?

Oh.

Wait.

Not $67,500. I misread that.

This kitchen is in a FREAKING $675,000 HOUSE AND OH MY GOD THIS IS WHY I DIDN'T MOVE TO SAN FRANCISCO.

"The lot needs geological work."

Know what would happen if I lived in this house Seth found? Within five minutes of moving in, I would somehow manage to drop my keys right... there.

I like the optimism of these photos from the same listing:

A little scrubbing, a little vacuuming, and it'll be fine.

Ommmmmm

Relax. Breath deeply. Be one with the universe. Meditate on the calm blankness of this listing Amanda found. The real estate agent within me honors the real estate agent within you.

Ka-thump ka-thump ka-thump ka-thump

Sadly, the real estate agent fell down the stairs and was never heard from again.

"was known as wormers Inn in the 1800s"

 

Oh, Lord. It's hot and humid (by Western Washington standards, i.e. above 65 degrees F) and we don't have air conditioning and the kiddie pool sprung a leak and I spent the morning cleaning the garage and just looking at this listing Sandra found makes my eyes itch. So I share the joy. Here! For you! Still Life with Quarterback, Bird Cage.

"You can choose to paint your apartment"

Good Lord, those are enormous, pointy... curtains.

(Found by Aeryn.)