Not included: prince

Want to buy the house Salamanda found? First you have to spend the night in this bedroom. If you toss and turn all night because of the pea under the mattresses, it's yours!

Meanwhile, in the back yard...

Oh, blue Chairs, why do you discriminate? Bring the table back and let Chair join in your game.

But anyway. It's not just an Ohio thing! Kansas is looking for a princess, too, as this listing knitorpurl found shows:

I am confused. The castles don't look like I expected them to. I'm clearly out of touch with modern royalty.

Go chicken go

 

I CAN ONLY BUY HOUSES THAT COME WITH GIANT CHICKENS
DOES THIS HOUSE MANDY FOUND INCLUDE A CHICKEN
OH IT DOES
LOOK THERE IT IS
I'LL BUY IT

Hand me the power saw, willya?

Becca found this listing months ago, but I am slooow -- so slow that the place has already rented. Sorry, you'll have to find some other home to live in; some other apartment that apparently has a man breaking into it from the garage.

Too Much Coffee Cat

Look deeeep into my eyessss... you will buy the house. You will let me stay. You will buy lobster and salmon and feeeed them to meeeeeee. Gooood.

As a bonus, you can listen to the "Audio Description" on the listing and hear me play bongos with my little paws.


(Found by Emily.)

"Incredible View of the Lake"

I think... there might be something (whooooo) wrong with... the water... supply...

(Found by Amanda.)

¡Fiesta time!

When your house is a "rehab project needs roof gutters carpet vinyl, doors trim appliance," perhaps razing it is the best option. There are two ways methods of tearing a house down:

1) Hire a demolition crew

or

2) Decorate it like a piñata and hand out broomsticks to the neighborhood kids.

snappy

What? Why would you say that? That sounds incredibly painful, and what does it have to do with your listing anyway? Freak!

Oh.

Nippers. You said "nippers." Sorry about the outburst. See, I thought you said... never mind.


(Found by Victoria.)