Welcome to Sunny Florida *sobs*

Oh, God. You could buy this house and then kill yourself, or you could just kill yourself now and save yourself the closing costs. This is as cheery as it gets, despite being almost one million bucks, in Palm Beach, and steps from the beach.

(Found by Melissa.)

Aaaachooo!

Connect the dots, la la la la, connect the dots...

The class war will be waged in real estate listings

 

I'm sorry, but I just can't take urban angst seriously when it's right by a beautiful, sunny beach. But Brooklyn! Ooooh, we've got some real rebels here:

Yes, this is very punk and all, but it looks like someone painted it on the inside of their own bedroom door. Is it directed at his (I presume, boooo me) roommates? Does he think that they're all yuppie scum, and thinks mean thoughts about them when he's in his room? Or does it actually say "Die yummie scum," because he's planning on eating them? What kind of scum, anyway? Could this all be fixed with a bottle of Soft Scrub?

(Found by Merridy [Sydney] and Katryn [NYC]. Arrows scrawled in by me, not the real esatate agents, nuh doisey.)

This post is in honor of Mister Rogers

The normal sequence for goldfish pet-ownership
Step 1: Get goldfish
Step 2: Enjoy goldfish as a pet
Step 3: Notice goldfish is floating upside-down
Step 4: Flush deceased goldfish

Abridged version, as found by Lauren:
Step 1: Get goldfish
Step 2: Flush goldfish
Step 3: Repeat

Someday, Stool, all this will be yours.

Ahhh. Sometimes a Chair just has to survey its land. It's a good morning to be a Chair!

(Found by Danny.)

*nudge* *nudge* Anyone home? *nudge*

If the driver is one of those people who honks instead of getting out and ringing the doorbell, that baby is going to be pissed.

(OK, there isn't actually a baby. There's just a stroller. But it's funnier if you imagine a sleeping baby there, so just go along with me, will you? Thanks. Found by Cyn, by the way.)

It'll just encourage him if you look, you know.

One thing I've learned as a parent is that unless there are flames or spurting blood involved, it's best to ignore behavior you don't want to see repeated. So let's all pretend we didn't see this listing Sarah found, shall we?