Another for the "actually I think this is awesome" file

And that, boys and girls, is why we never leave oatmeal unattended in the microwave.

(Found by Lucy.)

Always in the last place you look

 

Is it there? No...

 

Not there, either...

There it is! That's where I left the sink! Wait for me, guys, I'm coming!

Damn you, you kids and your matches and your fondness for cross-gabled Queen Anne-styled houses!

Tired of bored adolescents lighting fires in the empty house, the owners took steps to avoid any further vandalism.

Ha! Just try to set that on fire now, Drunky McTeenerson!

Chair? What Chair?

Disturbed by the many sightings of Frankenstein's Chair, scared furniture has taken to camouflage as protection.


(Found by Gav.)

Now, where'd I put my other shoe... there it is!

Everybody, cancan! LAAA la-la-la-la LA LA la-la-la-la...

(Found by Cassandra.)

Included: heat, water, refrigerator, a surplus of electrons

If you rub the chair really quickly on your hair -- thus transferring extra electrons -- and then place it on the wall, it should stick, as the wall will be more positively charged than the furniture. Try this at home, kids!

(Found by Cory.)

This neon revival has gone too far

Man, this was a perfectly nice 19th century farmhouse, but then they had to go and modernize it to try to appeal to the American Apparel crowd. Tsk, tsk.

(Found by Kelly.)

Ahhh, freedom

Oh dear. Pantsless real estate agent alert. Wooop woooop woooop woooop

(Found by Whitney.)

You'd always have a place to hang your bathrobe

"Hi!"
"Watcha doing? Mind if we watch?"
"Could you scratch my nose for me?"
"Kissy kissy kissy, come here, kissy kissy kissy...."
"Crap, I thought we were dressing as geese. I swear Alice said we were dressing as geese. Damn it, Alice..."
"Me too! Don't forget meeeee!"

Meanwhile, in the back yard -- look away, children:

And I'm not even using a Modesty Chair! Ooooh.

(Found by vinylvillager.)

No no no no no no no

Sorry about how bleak the sink with the razor was in that listing down there. How about this to cheer you up? Look! Clowns! Jenny found some clowns! Aren't you happy now? Whee?

(If you need me, I'll be hiding under my covers. Let me know when they're gone, please.)

Welcome to Sunny Florida *sobs*

Oh, God. You could buy this house and then kill yourself, or you could just kill yourself now and save yourself the closing costs. This is as cheery as it gets, despite being almost one million bucks, in Palm Beach, and steps from the beach.

(Found by Melissa.)

Aaaachooo!

Connect the dots, la la la la, connect the dots...

The class war will be waged in real estate listings

 

I'm sorry, but I just can't take urban angst seriously when it's right by a beautiful, sunny beach. But Brooklyn! Ooooh, we've got some real rebels here:

Yes, this is very punk and all, but it looks like someone painted it on the inside of their own bedroom door. Is it directed at his (I presume, boooo me) roommates? Does he think that they're all yuppie scum, and thinks mean thoughts about them when he's in his room? Or does it actually say "Die yummie scum," because he's planning on eating them? What kind of scum, anyway? Could this all be fixed with a bottle of Soft Scrub?

(Found by Merridy [Sydney] and Katryn [NYC]. Arrows scrawled in by me, not the real esatate agents, nuh doisey.)

This post is in honor of Mister Rogers

The normal sequence for goldfish pet-ownership
Step 1: Get goldfish
Step 2: Enjoy goldfish as a pet
Step 3: Notice goldfish is floating upside-down
Step 4: Flush deceased goldfish

Abridged version, as found by Lauren:
Step 1: Get goldfish
Step 2: Flush goldfish
Step 3: Repeat

Someday, Stool, all this will be yours.

Ahhh. Sometimes a Chair just has to survey its land. It's a good morning to be a Chair!

(Found by Danny.)

*nudge* *nudge* Anyone home? *nudge*

If the driver is one of those people who honks instead of getting out and ringing the doorbell, that baby is going to be pissed.

(OK, there isn't actually a baby. There's just a stroller. But it's funnier if you imagine a sleeping baby there, so just go along with me, will you? Thanks. Found by Cyn, by the way.)

It'll just encourage him if you look, you know.

One thing I've learned as a parent is that unless there are flames or spurting blood involved, it's best to ignore behavior you don't want to see repeated. So let's all pretend we didn't see this listing Sarah found, shall we?

Paging Modesty Chair. Modesty Chair, please report to listing.

(Clarification, of sorts, for newer readers: the Chair is not in the original photo. It's a Modesty Chair, in case small children wander past the screen while you're reading this.)

Patti found this "2 Storie Guest House," available July 1. I am confused. On one hand, the listing says -- in a positive tone -- that there's a church 20 yards away. On the other hand, the listing includes an upskirt shot of a cheerleader. Just what kind of church is it down the street? And am I going to regret the visitors I get who are searching for "upskirt" and "cheerleader"? Should I throw in a few more words to head them off? broccoli James Mason blender repair mola mola

Come home, all is forgiven

Oh, no! I was just thinking this morning that Chair hadn't shown up in a while. It turns out Chair had made its way over to the Netherlands, where Nicolet found him. Like so many people on their big youthful European trip, it seems Chair has fallen in with a bad crowd. Stop, Chair! Come back! America's sunny backyards are waiting for you!

Call the police! They're hoarding our nation's velour supply!

Yes! Ricki has found a listing that will help the USA wrest the Technicolor Dreamhouse Cup away from New Zealand and Australia. USA! USA! USA!

Help, I can't stop putting up photos...

OK, just one more. How would you decide which table to eat your Frankenberry at?

Well, one more.

OH MY GOD THE GLORY OF IT ALL