Lifetips 101

I used to be one of those people who could never find her keys, but now I have a system. When I walk through the door I put my wallet and phone on the table, my keys in the big bowl, and right by the door I...

Floor Coverings Anonymous can help.

HELP ME

CAN'T STOP LAYING CARPET

CARPET MUST GO EVERYWHERE

I'VE ALREADY CARPETED THE LIVING ROOM, THE BEDROOMS, THE HALLWAY, AND THE CATS

NOW I MUST CARPET THE BATHROOM

EVERYTHING MUST BE CARPETED

COME BACK HERE

I MUST CARPET YOU

CAAARRRRRPEEEETTTTTT


(Found by Danielle.)

No more pesky paper cuts!

Admittedly Jane's letter opener (seen on the wall, above) is a bit on the excessive side... but you should see what she uses for a fondue fork.


(Found by Anna.)

Hail Uncle Jim!

Never point directly at the portrait of Uncle Jim.

Never allow your head to be higher than the portrait of Uncle Jim.

Never turn your back to the portrait of Uncle Jim.

Speak in quiet, reverent tones when in front of the portrait of Uncle Jim.

Do not look directly at the portrait of Uncle Jim.

Honor Uncle Jim in all your deeds and thoughts throughout the day.


(Found by Danielle.)

Blogtastic: Shy Town

I wilt in hot weather, and humidity makes me cry... so I'm off to Chicago! If you're at the BlogHer convention, please find me and say hello. I'll be the one with no social skills pretending that no, I didn't really want to mingle, I'll just stand here and stare at the wall happily, tra la la...

Comment moderation is going to be even slower than usual the next few days. Sorry. Bigots and spammers are why we can't have nice things.

Wish you were there,
Sara



P.S. Home now. Here are a few quick notes on the conference.

The half bottle of water should take care of it.

That? Oh, that's just... um... a design accent thingy. Don't you like how the splatter brings out the brown tones in the wood? The dark rust-colored tones? The bl... um... I mean, the russetness of it all?

(Found by Alicia.)

Almost, but not quite, lifelike

No. Look, I'm sorry, but I'm just not falling for it any more. You put up a listing with photos like these:

And you expect us to believe that Tasmania actually exists? Look at this!

This is so clearly computer-generated. Just give up. It's just as realistic as New Zealand (which even my browser's spelling checker knows is made-up.)

Sincerely,
Not Falling For It Any More

(Found by Kelly, who's probably in on it.)