INCLUDED: WARMER OVEN DRAWER, FREESTANDING RANGE, DIRECT LINE TO GOD

I used to live in former convent that had been turned into a hippie commune (which I first typed as "hippie commute," an intriguing -- yet unpleasant -- idea). We'd done very little to change the house, and one day a resident pointed out to me that we were still using the nuns' old toilet seat. "Nuns' buns," he said. "Nuns' buns!"

So sure, the real estate agent can write "Home has been blessed by God's servants" in the listing. But to me? All this photo makes me think of is... how refreshing that glass of lemonade looks.

(Found by Lydia. MLS #11237950.)

The small dresser is for keeping Graham crackers in

Make s'mores in bed!

Have heart-to-heart discussions in the intimate conversation nook!

All this could be yours for just US$1,600 a month! Call now! Or not.

(Found by Ashling.)

"cats are OK - purrr" has never been less appropriate

What? Nothing wrong here.

Nope, just an apartment.

Ho hum...

AAAAHHHHH WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

For disbelievers: really. Here it is. I've recently had a few people express disbelief that some of these photos are really from listings. But they are, they really truly are, and that's what makes the world such a wonderful place. Sometimes the listing has been taken down or changed by the time I get it posted, but the photos I use are all snagged -- by me -- from actual real estate listings. Cross my heart.

(Jake sent this to You Suck at Craigslist, who thoughtfully passed it along to me.)

Look away, children

Which is better? With?

Or without?

("With" found by Anna.)

"Buy Right Now! Sexy! High Rents!"

It's the first Hawaiian loveliness, found by Allon! And it finds me deeply confused. I've never been to Hawaii, so I don't know... but is this normal? Like, the same way that people in other states have dog houses, Hawaiians have small-scale pig farms?

I'm presuming pig farms are standard, because there's no explicit mention of it in the listing... and it does seem like something you might want to point out. It goes a bit beyond the "Oh, I thought you knew the pool table wasn't included" homebuying confusion I'm used to.

Sho I shaid, "It's YOUR convention, YOU get out," and she shaid...

Whoooooo. I'm back from the BlogHer convention and I must still be a wee bit drunk because as far as I can tell, this listing Joanne found shows one of those overstuffed sofas, just right for watching Beverly Hills 90210 while wearing your high-waist jeans and drinking Orbitz, and the sofa is leaning against a wall, and that can't be right. So carry on without me. I'll be right back after a wee lie-down. On the ceiling.

Lifetips 101

I used to be one of those people who could never find her keys, but now I have a system. When I walk through the door I put my wallet and phone on the table, my keys in the big bowl, and right by the door I...