Thursday, April 30, 2009

Mt. Rainier could blow any minute now, you know

Grab the children! Run! The volcano has erupted and there's lava everywhere! Go, for the love of all that's holy! Save the listing and run!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Peel back corner to allow steam to vent

There are many perfectly good reasons for putting Saran Wrap over the top third of your fireplace before taking its photo for a listing, as Rebecca found. For example:



hey, I hear my mom calling, gotta go

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Pants Ironed While You Wait

And as long as you're here... want to buy a house?


Chair, do you mind? A little privacy, please! Nobody likes a peeping Tom.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Plan B

Josh found this listing, and pointed out something I didn't see right away: "Mmmh. A foreclosure that is empty except for a red, 1-gallon can of gasoline." Whoops.

Buy now! Won't last long!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Not included: gum

Oh, come on. For a quarter million bucks, couldn't you at least fill the gum machine? What are they teaching them at staging school these days, anyway?

Rule #1 of staging: ALWAYS FILL THE GUM MACHINE.

Saturday, April 25, 2009


For sale: one condo in Victory Mansions...

Still life with mannequin, bottle, Star Trek

Oh, the tragedy of the love triangle. Who will the lotion choose? The strong shoulders of the mannequin, or the lighthearted ways of the TV?

P.S. The obvious Silence of the Lambs comment will not be approved, as per the longstanding and never-before-divulged policy of the It's Lovely! I'll Take It! board of moderators.

P.P. S. Found by Procrastamom.

Friday, April 24, 2009


Hello. I'm so happy to see you. Please come in. Have some champagne. No, you can't sit down. It's not that sort of party. It's the other kind. Whee. Hurray.

Not included: squished witch

Are you a good listing, or a bad listing?

(Found by Corey.)

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Fine with me.

I was going to say something cutting about including this photo in a real estate listing, but c'mon. These Realtors are armed. Like, with guns, real guns. All I have to defend myself is a three-inch-deep layer of Lego scattered by the front door -- and let's face it, these guys probably don't live in shoes-off houses. So: keep it up! Great listing! Good luck!

"San Diego Home with Charm"

If the charms don't work, try prayer. And if prayer doesn't work... well, you've always got your backup plan.

(Found by Heather.)

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Included: butter, salt

For the family that likes popcorn. Really, really likes popcorn... Okay, wait, time for a sanity check. This probably makes no sense to anyone other than me. Here, this is what I'm thinking of:

See it? See it? It's not just me, right?


Oh dear.

I'm going to go lie down in a nice dark room until this passes. I may be some time.

Little boxes, in the bathroom, little boxes filled with I-don't-know-what

My house suffers from Pink Bathtubitis too, so I really shouldn't raise an eyebrow at this listing Karen found. What are you going to do, after all? You've got a house to sell, the bathroom is pink, you're not going to remodel. All you can do is carefully frame the photo so you get in your collection of collections and hope for the best.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

It carries its listing on its back

When my husband saw I had this listing, found by Caedmon, up on my computer, he asked "Why do you hate turtles? Why do you hate chihuahuas? They're so cute. Why do you hate them? Why?"

I'm sorry, turtle and chihuahua. Go about your yippy, slow ways. I will say nothing bad about you. Go! Go now, before I change my mind!

What... a... dump.

Don't click on that photo Philip found. Don't do it. You'll regret it. Trust me. Just don't. Don't don't don't. Go do something else. Maybe a nice walk? Or cookies, you could make cookies. The hallway closet always needs cleaning.

There are many, many things other than clicking on that photo you could do, and I suggest that you go do them all.

Monday, April 20, 2009

For your Family Night activity

C'mon, kids! It's time for a round of The Goose Game. Mary, you're in charge of can of paint -- try not to get any on the TV this time, sweetie. Jake, the metal scoop is yours. I'll take the small stool; hun, do you want the large one? And baby gets the pole, as usual. First one to get the goose to the big X wins a point. Go!

(Found by Kathleen.)

Because it's easier to vacuum this way, that's why


(Found by Cathy.)

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Wish you were here

A few people have asked lately where Chair is. Don't worry. Gingerbeer found Chair taking a little break, relaxing with a good friend. After all the hard work of getting to be #2 in the world domination list, it's time to kick back and... uh... ignore the nice view.

See you in church!

For your Sunday needs: Erin found this single-family, three bedroom, two bath, one apse house. Good luck getting the current tenant out -- He's got a notoriously bad temper.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

I knew that degree in political economy would come in use one day

What's this? Oh, it's just Money magazine's annual list of the 100 "best investments, strategies, products, and people in the world of money," that's all. Tum-te-tum. And leafing through, what do we find?

HOLY CRAP. This blog is the world of money's second best investment, strategy, product, and person! Lil' old It's Lovely! I'll Take It! We're number two! We're number two! We're number two!

To which I have to say: watch your back, FNBO Direct Online Savings Account. Watch your back.

Sleep with the fishes, kid

Like most parents, I sometimes -- no more than ten or twenty times a day -- think I'm royally messing up my kids through my incompetence. But then I look at this listing, found on Foute Huizen, and I realize that so long as I'm not deliberately and painstakingly inducing nightmares in my kids I'm probably okay.

Friday, April 17, 2009

It's German for "love of the mirrored, flocked wallpaper"

Smoooooth. From the pink bidet to the slightly charred chandelier, this says "Waldeslust!" all over it. Not that I have any idea what "Waldeslust!" means, but really, it says it all over it:

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Ahhhh, room to stretch

Brilliant! As a tall person, I say it's about time we had toilets that gave extra legroom.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I've got listings that jingle jangle jingle

I walked off the dusty street and through the swinging doors of this house, hoping for a drink to sooth my parched throat. The piano player stopped playing, the bartender looked up from the mug he was wiping, and everyone at the card game turned to stare.

"Howdy, boys," I said. "I'm just a Realtor, passing through town. I don't mean to bother nobody. I'll just leave my card and move on."

(Found by Mandy.)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Included: black, white

Househunter Lorena was sent this listing by her real estate agent as a potential new home. She didn't say, but I'm presuming the Realtor looks something like this:

Monday, April 13, 2009

No, not New Zealand this time

Ahh, Monday.

(Found by Dara.)

Sunday, April 12, 2009

The hook is for the rope bridge through the tiny door

"I said I wanted crown molding on the ceiling, Leroy! Crown molding, not... Oh, never mind, I'll get used to it."

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Time to check your carbon monoxide detector's batteries

Ah, New Zealand, you never let me down.

Fiona found this disturbing scene. I think that the stove stunned the chairs while their backs were turned, causing them to pass out face-first. There's really no other explanation. But what will the stove do now, if it can escape the jail it's being held in? And what's that weird other alcove to the left? And why do listings from New Zealand all look so vibrant and computer-generated? Does New Zealand really exist? Has anyone actually been there?

Friday, April 10, 2009

"I understand what I'm saying! I understand what I'm saying!"

Becky found this aviary / three-bedroom colonial. One photo of loose parrots, I would understand; this listing has four of them.

I'm sure there are people who own caged birds and who live in houses that don't smell of droppings and wet newspaper. Really. They must exist. And this could well be just such a house.

(I spent far too long trying to find one word for "parrot droppings" with no luck. "Guano" gets used, but I don't think it's right. But my hay fever is in full bloom and it's a wonder I can even remember how to log into this website, never mind coming up with the right term for parrot fewmet.)

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Does not meet ADA standards.

"Lower level(above ground)" says this listing, found by Suzanne and Corinne. Above ground. Far, far above ground... plus it includes a living room, a breakfast nook, a bedroom, and a full bathroom!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Let's get ready to rumble!

On the count of three, come out of your corners swinging. One... two...

(Found by Candace.)

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I know what I like, and that's not it

Ellen found this delightful mansion in Duckburg. Who's never wrong, but always right? Who'd never dream of starting a fight?

Monday, April 6, 2009

Not included: head

Oh, her? Don't worry about her. She only comes out once in a while. We're pretty certain she's the Ghost of Affordable Housing in Seattle. She won't bother you at all.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

I think that I shall never see

Frikkin' trees. Mulch 'em all, let the worms sort them out: that's my motto.

(Found by Kalissa. Warning: samba music.)

Saturday, April 4, 2009

(sound of harp strumming)

If chairs are very very good, and eat all their vegetables, and say their prayers, and don't pick up any coffee stains, then this is where they go when they die.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Re this blog

It's Lovely! I'll Take It! makes the San Francisco Chronicle! I knew all my San Francisco love would be repaid eventually. Mwah!

hangover house

Oh, God. What did I do last night? Why am I waking up on this floor? Is that pizza in my hair? Whose idea was it to drink Singapore Slings? Well, there's nothing for it but to unstick my forehead from the floor, find a cup of coffee, and put the house up for sale.

First impressions

For whatever reason, this real estate agent has decided that only one photo is needed in this listing Danielle found. Just one. So, to really sell the house, to show the potential in this fixer, she went with... this?

The rest of the house must be a little messy or something, and not worth taking photos of.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Step into my lounge

Andrea found this lovely example of life:

...imitating art:

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


You grab the burgers, I'll fire up the grill! "Tenant has access to a shared outdoor/patio area," and I'm taking every advantage of that party spot!

(Found by Amy, who's in charge of setting up the luau.)