Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Included: black, white



Househunter Lorena was sent this listing by her real estate agent as a potential new home. She didn't say, but I'm presuming the Realtor looks something like this:

20 comments:

E said...

What is it about old people and green wall-to-wall carpeting? Aside from the furniture and decorating choices, that green carpeting is always a reliable indicator of the age of the inhabitants. Did AARP send out color-specific carpeting coupons?

mudslicker said...

alas....as the homeowner was driven to the pokey in the black and white squad car, this last view of his castle through the cage in the back seat was seared into his memory...."now I know why they call it a black and white," he ruminated sadly....

Müge said...

Hahaha, that's so funny! :D

burhanistan said...

I, too, can see the Matrix.

Anonymous said...

How can a house that is built in 1996 look like it has not been redecorated since 1969?

Brian said...

Abraham Lincoln is a realtor?

lori said...

i guess that's what realtors call "screening" the listings.

Stuart said...

Not pictured: mauve bedspread with matching curtains, teal green throw pillows, and a solitary Patrick Nagel print (in brass frame) chosen solely because it compliments said decor.

Ms Unreliable said...

Her real estate agent is a pixellated Abe Lincoln?! Whoa!

Scott said...

"How can a house that is built in 1996 look like it has not been redecorated since 1969?", you ask?

The summer of 1996 had one of those 70's revivals that happen every time people run out of things to revive. Disco music made a big comeback on the club scene, floppy flared pants (still not gone) were everywhere, and dumb people thought they could impress their friends with laughable interior designs from the Brady Bunch. These came from the "back to nature" trend of the time. Somehow surrounding yourself with artificial earth tones would make you feel "natural" again. Green carpet was like walking on a well manicured lawn, just like you would never find in nature!

This was replaced months later by the "Lounge Lizard" fad when we sat in bars wearing skinny ties drinking martinis and listening to Sinatra. I'm sure there are houses built in 1997 that look like they were decorated in 1959.

Scott said...

And one other critique. This is the kind of house that I feel is really just one step up from a mobile home. Note the extremely low pitched roof? Note that there is no attic? Using the rafters as the ceiling joists is standard cheap mobile home construction. I'd guess it has a barely adequate foundation, bouncy creaky floors and cheap windows.

And when did cable television become an "exterior" feature?

Carrie said...

The best part of the listing is obviously "Cathedral Ceiling(s)."

kathi said...

I just found your blog and I must say I'm really chucking at your posts AND the comments! Too funny!
Can't wait to see what else you find!

Charlene said...

I bow to Scott's superior knowledge of all things decorative, but I suspect the carpet in this house is green for a more prosaic reason. It's a cheap house, and they used whatever was cheapest at the wholesaler's.

I agree with Carrie: gorgeous "cathedral ceiling". The centre must be a whole two inches higher than the edges.

mudslicker said...

Stuart:

Dead on!..except for the Patrick Nagel print...too edgy for this Fingerhut crew....I would predict a "tasteful" Margaret Keane (something on mauve velvet perhaps?) or a Thomas Kincade babbling brook scene for their retractable black light mood lighting...

p.s. btw...I HATE that you're on the left coast so i have to wait so long into the day for your hysterically insightful critiques..

necoro said...

The pixelated screendoor image... "Beautiful new tract homes available in Westworld!"

Stuart said...

Aw, thanks, muds. [blush]


(I'll put your check in the mail today)

[wink]

Anonymous said...

Scott:

The one step only includes the actual one car garage attached to the double wide. The rest is all Mobile Home, check it out in google view:)

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I didn't even know Lincoln had a real estate license.

Cool!


(Beware of other paranormal activity. That guy has been dead for years!)

Bluejeanphoenix said...

Damnit! I was hoping I might be the first to identify Lincoln. :lol: Oh well!

Pixel Palace?

It's a ranch by ranch by ranch...

...

get it? Ranch cubed? ;-)