Included: black, white
Househunter Lorena was sent this listing by her real estate agent as a potential new home. She didn't say, but I'm presuming the Realtor looks something like this:
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
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Loveliness past
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2009
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April
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- Mt. Rainier could blow any minute now, you know
- Peel back corner to allow steam to vent
- Pants Ironed While You Wait
- Hey!
- Plan B
- Not included: gum
- squeak
- Still life with mannequin, bottle, Star Trek
- TGIF.
- Not included: squished witch
- Fine with me.
- "San Diego Home with Charm"
- Included: butter, salt
- Little boxes, in the bathroom, little boxes filled...
- It carries its listing on its back
- What... a... dump.
- For your Family Night activity
- Because it's easier to vacuum this way, that's why
- Wish you were here
- See you in church!
- I knew that degree in political economy would come...
- Sleep with the fishes, kid
- It's German for "love of the mirrored, flocked wal...
- Ahhhh, room to stretch
- I've got listings that jingle jangle jingle
- Included: black, white
- No, not New Zealand this time
- The hook is for the rope bridge through the tiny door
- Time to check your carbon monoxide detector's batt...
- "I understand what I'm saying! I understand what I...
- Does not meet ADA standards.
- Let's get ready to rumble!
- I know what I like, and that's not it
- Not included: head
- I think that I shall never see
- (sound of harp strumming)
- Re this blog
- hangover house
- First impressions
- Step into my lounge
- parTAY!
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April
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20 comments:
What is it about old people and green wall-to-wall carpeting? Aside from the furniture and decorating choices, that green carpeting is always a reliable indicator of the age of the inhabitants. Did AARP send out color-specific carpeting coupons?
alas....as the homeowner was driven to the pokey in the black and white squad car, this last view of his castle through the cage in the back seat was seared into his memory...."now I know why they call it a black and white," he ruminated sadly....
Hahaha, that's so funny! :D
I, too, can see the Matrix.
How can a house that is built in 1996 look like it has not been redecorated since 1969?
Abraham Lincoln is a realtor?
i guess that's what realtors call "screening" the listings.
Not pictured: mauve bedspread with matching curtains, teal green throw pillows, and a solitary Patrick Nagel print (in brass frame) chosen solely because it compliments said decor.
Her real estate agent is a pixellated Abe Lincoln?! Whoa!
"How can a house that is built in 1996 look like it has not been redecorated since 1969?", you ask?
The summer of 1996 had one of those 70's revivals that happen every time people run out of things to revive. Disco music made a big comeback on the club scene, floppy flared pants (still not gone) were everywhere, and dumb people thought they could impress their friends with laughable interior designs from the Brady Bunch. These came from the "back to nature" trend of the time. Somehow surrounding yourself with artificial earth tones would make you feel "natural" again. Green carpet was like walking on a well manicured lawn, just like you would never find in nature!
This was replaced months later by the "Lounge Lizard" fad when we sat in bars wearing skinny ties drinking martinis and listening to Sinatra. I'm sure there are houses built in 1997 that look like they were decorated in 1959.
And one other critique. This is the kind of house that I feel is really just one step up from a mobile home. Note the extremely low pitched roof? Note that there is no attic? Using the rafters as the ceiling joists is standard cheap mobile home construction. I'd guess it has a barely adequate foundation, bouncy creaky floors and cheap windows.
And when did cable television become an "exterior" feature?
The best part of the listing is obviously "Cathedral Ceiling(s)."
I just found your blog and I must say I'm really chucking at your posts AND the comments! Too funny!
Can't wait to see what else you find!
I bow to Scott's superior knowledge of all things decorative, but I suspect the carpet in this house is green for a more prosaic reason. It's a cheap house, and they used whatever was cheapest at the wholesaler's.
I agree with Carrie: gorgeous "cathedral ceiling". The centre must be a whole two inches higher than the edges.
Stuart:
Dead on!..except for the Patrick Nagel print...too edgy for this Fingerhut crew....I would predict a "tasteful" Margaret Keane (something on mauve velvet perhaps?) or a Thomas Kincade babbling brook scene for their retractable black light mood lighting...
p.s. btw...I HATE that you're on the left coast so i have to wait so long into the day for your hysterically insightful critiques..
The pixelated screendoor image... "Beautiful new tract homes available in Westworld!"
Aw, thanks, muds. [blush]
(I'll put your check in the mail today)
[wink]
Scott:
The one step only includes the actual one car garage attached to the double wide. The rest is all Mobile Home, check it out in google view:)
I didn't even know Lincoln had a real estate license.
Cool!
(Beware of other paranormal activity. That guy has been dead for years!)
Damnit! I was hoping I might be the first to identify Lincoln. :lol: Oh well!
Pixel Palace?
It's a ranch by ranch by ranch...
...
get it? Ranch cubed? ;-)
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