I'M IN UR BLOG CHANGING UR LAYOUT

Fireworks!

Big fluffy cats!

Sunny days!

What has me so cheerful? I NO LONGER HAVE TO MODERATE COMMENTS. Thanks to a recent merger of It's Lovely! Corp. and LOLcats Inc, I get to do all the fun stuff from now on while some poor intern at a desk made out of sawhorses and an old door has to deal with the trolls and Spam (mmmm, troll Spam).

So, hello, pussycat! I don't know what people who come to the Internet for the cute kittens are going to think about photos of moldy carpets and naked Estonian men, but Cheezeburger, LTD has confidence it will all be fine. I'll still be doing the writing, such as it is; I just don't have to do the technical side any more. This should be a relief for anyone who witnessed the "I think I'll change the layout, tra la la!" fiasco of earlier this year.

I'm really really really hoping I Can Haz Blog Empire will make stuffed Chairs for small children to cuddle up with. Please suggest that a lot in the comments. The comments I no longer have to moderate. And also please be nice to all the new readers who have no idea what's going on here. And also please figure out the name of the company I now work for and let me know what it is because I wasn't really paying attention and I swear they go by, like, ten different names.

Onwards!

(Fireworks found by Ben; cat found by Anna; glowing house found by Deedee; LOLborg vs Chair, which is not from a real estate listing, by me.)

If Jeremy Clarkson wrote real estate listings

"The majority of the basement is covered in black mold and in biblical proportions," says this listing found by Matt. And I have nothing contumelious to say about it, because they've been admirably honest in the description. "Not for the faint of heart or respiratory system!" -- well, there's just no improving that, is there?

So maybe sometimes people do things just right. And we don't mock them. We just sit back and stare at the mold in awe... and wonder how that house ever ended up submerged in a canal.

Brains..... plastic braaaiiiinnnnssss.....

Help! It's just like Night of the Living Dead here. But in the day. And in a real estate listing. And with the part of Zombie Mob being played by Chairs.

But other than that, they're indistinguishable.

Look away, children

Which is better? With?

Or without?

("With" found by Anna.)

Floor Coverings Anonymous can help.

HELP ME

CAN'T STOP LAYING CARPET

CARPET MUST GO EVERYWHERE

I'VE ALREADY CARPETED THE LIVING ROOM, THE BEDROOMS, THE HALLWAY, AND THE CATS

NOW I MUST CARPET THE BATHROOM

EVERYTHING MUST BE CARPETED

COME BACK HERE

I MUST CARPET YOU

CAAARRRRRPEEEETTTTTT


(Found by Danielle.)

Hail Uncle Jim!

Never point directly at the portrait of Uncle Jim.

Never allow your head to be higher than the portrait of Uncle Jim.

Never turn your back to the portrait of Uncle Jim.

Speak in quiet, reverent tones when in front of the portrait of Uncle Jim.

Do not look directly at the portrait of Uncle Jim.

Honor Uncle Jim in all your deeds and thoughts throughout the day.


(Found by Danielle.)

Aaaachooo!

Connect the dots, la la la la, connect the dots...

Wheeeeee

From the same listing as the dryer below comes this fun! exciting! deck! If that's what it takes to keep the religious pamphleteers away, it's fine with me.

*clunk*

It's looks like that's a pretty new dryer back there, which is nice.

Admittedly you can't open the door to it, which cuts down somewhat on its usefulness. But think of the energy you'll save!

¡Fiesta time!

When your house is a "rehab project needs roof gutters carpet vinyl, doors trim appliance," perhaps razing it is the best option. There are two ways methods of tearing a house down:

1) Hire a demolition crew

or

2) Decorate it like a piñata and hand out broomsticks to the neighborhood kids.

Closely resembling a real house

 

I'm pretty certain this is 3-D, but I've got a lazy eye and those damn things never work for me.  Here, print these off and see if it works, will you?

 

 

Note: glasses not from listing

Note note: No, really, if I don't say that someone will think they are

"Do not Disturb tenants..."

... they're already disturbed enough.

UPDATE: As per Bill's Bayou's suggestion, the photo currently on the listing:



Ahh. Much better.


ANOTHER UPDATE: From Bill's Bayou:

Spoooooky....

This listing needs to make wudu

 

What a modest three-bedroom townhouse Katrina found!

Ka-thump ka-thump ka-thump ka-thump

Sadly, the real estate agent fell down the stairs and was never heard from again.

It's worth it to be so close to Archie McPhee's

 

You're trying to sell a house. You could try to get the blue tarp out of the way, a job that would take all of five minutes... or you could say "It's only a quarter million bucks for a two-bedroom, 100-year-old house with a wood stove for heat. Screw it," and just take the photo.

Vrrrroomba

I don't know much about staging, but one thing I'm pretty certain about: just because your minibike matches your vacuum cleaner doesn't mean you should park it in the dining room.

Hi!

Hi! Mind if I disturb your bookkeeping for just one sec? My organization is in your neighborhood tonight, collecting for the Fund to Help People Who Need More Household Textiles. Do you happen to have any spare household textiles? We'll take anything.

No?

You sure?

You don't have any household textiles you can spare?

You're using it all?

Well, okay. Thanks for your time!

Included: timeout

I'm not addicted. I can stop putting up photos of Chair any time I want.

While the armchair is distracted by the TV...

Chair! Not in the dining room! Shame on both of you.

It's spring...

...and that means it's shedding time. Shed shed shed.


(Found by Stefan.)