Thursday, July 31, 2008

The Human Tetris -- play along at home!

Found by Kandi, whose theory is that the designer of this home is a big fan of Japanese game shows:

For you action / adventure fans

Yes, it's nice to see what a house looks like by day -- but isn't it more interesting to see what it looks like when you're wearing night-vision goggles? (Found by Melissa.)

It's Christmas in July!

Thank you to Stacey for sending me this listing. She actually went to see the house (these photos work!) and described the house as "fantastic."

The American Heritage Dictionary has this note in its definition of "fantastic": "Fantastic describes what seems to have slight relation to the real world because of its strangeness or extravagance: fantastic imaginary beasts such as the unicorn." I'm sure that's not the usage Stacey meant. Um, right, Stacey?

Solves the whole "WHICH cabinet?" problem

This house -- cheap, cheap, cheap! -- was found by Kandi, who writes: "We were going to get rid of all the cabinets, but then there would be no place for the range hood..." (She also points out that they have only one interior photo, and this is what they chose.)

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

"Pick up this gem, dust it off, add polish and it will shine."

"Dust it off"? Sure! A quick go-round with a Swiffer, that's all this house needs. (Found by Lauren -- thank you!)

A well-defended house

"Don't mind the clutter inside," says Kandi, who found this...

"You'll be enjoying the outdoor views of the missile range!"

Don't break the house! By Milton Bradley

If I lived here, I would paint it to look like it was made out of Lego. No, wait! It reminds me more of this:

To be fair (boo, hiss) there's nothing wrong with the photo. It's the house that's so... intriguing. Thank you, Matt, for finding it.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

"toilet installed, not to code"

So... is one of these toilets up to code, and one not? Or is the top one "before" and the bottom one "after"?

(From the same listing as the... um... ice tea, below.)

Can I offer you a glass of ice tea?

No, really, can I? I don't know.

KEEP OUT --no, not you! You, come in.

Nothing says "Buy this house and raise your children here!" like a big KEEP OUT sign in the window.

Open door slowly

It's a toilet! No, it's a doorway! No... according to Julia, who found this listing, this door is the only way into the sun room behind the toilet.

The listing's website is tricky to navigate, so I'll just toss this in here. It's from the same house, and I think it's great. Well, so long as those are the family's kids, it's great. Otherwise it's bizarre and creepy. Either way, though, is it really a selling point?

Squawk II

And in this room, we... what? Urr.

*brain explodes*

Monday, July 28, 2008

An old (very old) friend

April found this cabin for sale. Does it seem familiar? Why, yes! It's the same cabin as seen here, but with new, interior photos!

Tin foil? Radiators? Art? Please explain.

Found by Shelby, who was so intrigued by the listing's Kaczynskiness that she drove by. And then sensibly kept driving.

Update: the listing is gone. Sorry. You'll just have to use your imagination.

Special bendy house

Well, no wonder nobody wants to buy the house. It appears to violate the known laws of physics.

Excuse me, could you please scootch down... just a little... oh, never mind.

Watching commercials. In the middle of the day. On the floor. Sigh .

Really, it's totally my house to sell, I swear

Just because the listing is clearly a photo -- TAKEN THROUGH A WINDOW -- of another photo is no reason to be suspicious.

On second thought... is this a photo of a computer monitor? And if it is, does that make more sense? No. I think not.

Half a horse is better than... no, wait, that doesn't work.

Found by Kandi, who says "I wasn't convinced this was the house for me until I saw the photo of the horse's ass!"

Included: a ghost. Well, no, just half a ghost.

Half a ghost is better than a whole ghost, right?

Found by Sarah -- thank you!

(To see the rest of the listing, follow the link and then search for 08-746.)

Sunday, July 27, 2008

I once bought a house that was THIS BIG

Congratulations! Does the fish come with the house?

(Thanks, LadyCiani!)

Saturday, July 26, 2008

"nice little place dont have time to list first come first cash gets"

"nice place no better price priced to sell fast" says the listing.

"$435,000? In Nebraska?" says Mary the Nebraskan Realtor.

"That much would get you a nice one-bedroom toolshed around here" says me.

"Candle in the Wind" was probably playing in the background

Found by Kandi. One would think that the sellers would have taken at least one more-appealing photo in the past 11 years... but no.

Toga! Toga! Toga!

Is this a frat house? Why else would there be keg cups everywhere? And is that a Christmas decoration tossed down the stairs? I am confused, frightened. (And grateful to Kim for finding it.)

How? How does this happen?

How does a tub get in this condition? Do I really want to know? Probably not.

Friday, July 25, 2008

(I don't want to swim in) Chelsea

"Pool? Vortex?" asks househunter Amanda. Me, I'm just surprised that you can still get film for Polaroid Square Shooters.



*pause for breath*


Yeah, nothing awkward about this at all

Found by Kandi, who asks: "Did someone die in this corner?!"

Suicide girls

No! Don't do it! Don't jump! You have so much to live for!

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I shop at Ikea, too!

Yeah, we all have the drawers of leftover Allen wrenches and spare parts for the VCR. But do we all think to share them on our real estate listings? We do not. (Thank you, Carlos L!)

Because I'm comfortable here, damn it, that's why

Mary the Nebraska Realtor writes: "Grandpa can't get out of the chair; let's just sell him with the house."


These are not what I usually think of when I picture "junkyard dogs." And this is not what I usually think of when I imagine the backyard of my dream home. (Not even if my dream home "IS LOCATED CLOSE TO THE ALAMEDA SWATMEET").

Smells delicious!

Ahhh... nothing says "home" more than freshly baked chocolate-chip cookies, even if the batter is the stuff you (by "you" I mean "I") get in the giant tub from Costco. And, um, even if "home" appears to be an abandoned construction site.

Come and knock down our door (doo-dee doo-dee doo doo)

be waiting for you (doo-dee doo-dee doo doo)...

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Is it my contacts?

...because surely nobody would put a photo this blurry on their listing, would they? And just what's in the bag, anyway?

Thanks to Mary, the Nebraskan realtor!


Jennifer found this little cutie (no, not the house). "It's disturbing enough that all of the photos in the listing are just different angles of the outside of the house, but you also apparently get a free 'pet.'" Just what I wanted!



Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Rented a tent, a tent, a tent

Amanda found this interesting bit of home decorating. I'm sure there are good reasons for setting up a tent inside your house. Like... um... you have kids who are having a slumber party and are pretending to be camping. Or you're sealing the seams and just don't care about that whole "well-ventilated room" thing.

I'm not sure there are good reasons for having the set-up tent included in the listing when you try to sell your house.

Run, bathtub, run!

Run as fast as your little clawfeet can take you! And save the houseplant, too!

Monday, July 21, 2008

Note to self...

I like to think these say:


Yet there are no labels for the


...which makes me sad.

An explanation.

Ah! So that's what you do with two TV sets. You multi-task!


Really? 'Cause I could swear this is a fixer upper. But the listing says "THIS HOME IS IN ABOVE AVERAGE CONDITION," and I don't argue with ALL CAPS.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Shows what I know.

It's another double TV! I guess it's just... um... something people do.

I'll burn you!

The heater is nervously hugging the wall, hoping the stove won't see it. Who will win the battle of the heat sources? Oh, the suspense!

TV eye

Why two TV sets? Why is the curtain partway open? Why not move the vacuum cleaner out of the way? Did Mary, the Nebraskan realtor, find it because she has to try to sell it? Why? Why? Why?