Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Oh, the pain of my catharsis


Even the coffee tables are filled with ennui in this apartment found by Kelly, but don't let that stop you from living here. After all, as the listing says, "sometimes it takes a while to recognise a good thing when we see it. But when we do it imprisons our hearts. Why wouldn't you listen to your heart? The midwife listened to your heart when you were inside and it gave peace of mind to your parents... So do tell why you won't listen to your own heart? This unit is low maintenance, secure with a very good management system, it's easily accessible and it's at number thirty eight bar forty two Holly Street."

Included: fridge, oven, microwave. Not included: coherence, segues.

15 comments:

Meg said...

Please tell me Atlas' younger brother is not included. Please?

bungalowbliss said...

I wonder what the agent was smoking when typing up that listing. It's a far cry from the standard "3BR/2BA, cul-de-sac, appliances included" bit.

mudslicker said...

Love the view through the fence of the "cemetery bar golf course" from the sliding glass doors.

V- said...

Don't be sad, Table! Maybe you'll like the new tenants just as much!

Anonymous said...

Is the agent gary busey?

Anonymous said...

I was visiting an address very close to this only two days ago... and it seems such a normal suburb too!

shieldmaiden said...

on photo 9 out of 11, is that a very forlorn looking chair I see? or perhaps a sulking teenage chair that doesnt want to move? Perhaps a stalking serial killer chair?

shieldmaiden said...

oh oh and I can't help it... "Atlas Slouched"

burhanistan said...

You know, that table is such an effective parody of itself that not much could be said that is funnier than the actual table. I center myself and go to my funny comment place and all that I get is an image of that table. Silly.

Stuart said...

This listing shown by the Rand & Kierkegaard Agency. If interested in an area closer to the abyss, please ask to speak with Friedrich.

Anonymous said...

That chair in 9 of 11 is the grandmother chair, looking from the other end of the apartment, aghast at the coffee table passed out, sitting in a pool of her own... well something.

Glory von Hathor said...

I listened to my heart when looking at this listing. My heart was strangely made very angry by the way they've placed their cushions on their sofa, with all four on one side.

My heart must like symmetry.

Anonymous said...

Don't cry Emo Table.

beckiwithani said...

I've lurked for a couple of months now, and you finally got me to COMMENT with this one. Hilarious listing, but even hilarious-er commentary by you. (Yes, "hilarious-er" is a word. Because I said so.)

Sarah said...

I'm going to see that table in my nightmares. How can they live with that thing? It's like a charred corpse in your living room EVERY DAY.