Where Hypnotoad eats breakfast

I'm starting to think I need to expand my rules. Maybe this should be a blog of two kinds of photos:

1. Poorly chosen (e.g. most of this blog), OR
2. Mesmerizing and -- from my perspective -- antipodal (e.g. my new HQ)

Mel, who I presume is my antipodisis, found this doozy.

Don't blame the chair

For once, it's not a chair having a time out.

Naughty stove. Naughty, naughty stove.

(By the way: this listing shows the washer and dryer out on the back porch. I know L.A. has glorious weather -- if you like warm, sunny days and cool, clear nights, pffft -- but really? Washer and dryer outside? Is this a common thing down there? Does it never rain?)

The carpet needs a haircut

The telephone's out of cigarettes, and the balcony is on the make,
And the piano has been drinking, the piano has been drinking...

...and another thing...

What can this sign on the toilet possibly say? I can't think of anything other than "DOES NOT WORK" or "DO NOT USE" or, at a stretch, "WATER NOT TURNED ON -- TOILET NOT FUNCTIONING." These people have managed to go on for nine or ten paragraphs.

tsk tsk

Oh, chair, what have you done? Why did Sockempress find you having a time out in the corner?

Well, one minute for each year. We'll see tonight.

Gotta go! Pie's in the oven!

*vroom*

Here's a listing! Katt found it! No time to get out of the car -- gotta get to the in-laws before Cousin Barb eats all the cranberry sauce! See ya!

*vroom*

Home Sweet Home

How could you not want to live here? Doesn't this photo make you think of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, kittens playing with balls of yarn, and the family coming together for Thanksgiving?

Yeah, me neither.

Even more help is on the way

What's that? You were getting cold while playing the piano outside? Don't worry -- Hanne found a fireplace to keep you warm.

Circle of life (or death)

The hula hoop has come to the funeral parlor to pay its respects. Overcome with grief, it collapses on the floor. (Thanks to Mandy for finding this tragic portrait.)

(innocent whistle)

Nope, nope, nothing happened here, nope, just a normal apartment Gayton found tra la la...

Welcome home. Sigh.

Maybe it's just because I'm desperately short on sleep but I swear, the first thing I thought when I saw this listing was that the real estate agent must be this guy:



Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's the lack of sleep. Even by my low standards, this makes no sense.

A wrinkle in space

I'm pretty certain this listing, found by Michelle, shows the disintegration of the universe. Who knew the world's end would start in an Australian suburb?

H-O-R-S...

These cans take their annual HORSE tournament seriously. Don't challenge them unless you're up for some serious trash talk.

Thanks, longboaters

call the police

Help, help! There's been a chair massacre!

Oh, the upholstery...

Well, what else can you do with a spare bedroom?

This listing was found by Ellen. I would say something cutting but, as someone who spent her formative years at a Catholic school, I'm afraid Sister Catherine would come after me.

Diorama!

What? Why would Hello Nurse send this to me? It's a perfectly fine quilt, not really my style but... oh. Wait. That's not a quilt. That's a... a... It's a house. A house where people live perfectly normal lives, where they eat and sleep and read books and pay bills, all the time surrounded by walls with lizards and horses and dinosaurs and Bible scenes and I don't know what else.

To which I say: good for them.

Don't despair, cleaning supplies!

Don't worry, random collection of stuff! Jessica has found a friend for you.

I sell out, wicked cheap

Who's a lucky little blogger? Me! I got a gift card from JCPenney and Blogher! You can read about it here. (Or not, because it has very little to do with real estate listings, lawn chairs, or giant dogs. But it does have a link to a gift card giveaway.)

Let us in! Let us in!

Hey! Let us in! It's hot out here! C'mon, we'll be good...

You know those jokes about Seattle weather? Ha. Ha. Ha.

Valerie seemed to think this was an odd choice of photo for a real estate listing, especially if it's going to be the only photo. But sitting here in the Puget Sound Convergence Zone, looking out at yet another overcast day, I have to say that photo of a clear blue sky is just about enough to get me to buy the place.

Striking out on its own

"Just a few feet more," thought the Little Armchair, "and I'll get to the truck. Then I'll drive on out of here... So long, suckers!

Last one in's a rotten egg

How can you resist? You know you want a dip. Go on! I'll just be over here with the towels. And the hep E vaccination.

Play nice, you two.

Justin found this scene. If these chairs don't start sharing the cement mixer, they're both going to get timeouts.

It's a Habitrail! You know, for kids!

My children need this house that Annie found. They just need it. Or rather I need it for them, especially if I could seal the tubes off from time to time for some peace and quiet. Just joking. No I'm not.

Please, let me take your coat (bwa ha ha)

Look! It's a friend for this lady! Or gentleman, I can't tell without getting really personal. Found by Nicole.

THREE QUARTERS OF A MILLION DOLLARS AND THIS IS WHAT YOU GET

San Francisco, you know I love you... but we have to talk.

Your own biodome! But blue!

This listing is setting off my vertigo. Am I not being fair, I wonder? Is a better photo even possible when you're dealing with a home that's half scaffolding, half Zoom set?

Oh good. I was looking for a... thing.

What am I looking at? I have no idea. True, my glasses have fingerprint smudges all over them, but that's not enough to explain this. It seems to be a... green tarp? Or is it a fence? With some kind of building -- probably the one that's for sale -- behind it? And the building appears to be thatched, which seems odd given LA's habit of bursting into flames.

A bowl of raisin bran might help

If you need a shop vac and a coffee maker in the bathroom... you're doing something wrong. (If you're actually doing the thing very, very, right, I don't want to know about it.)

BDRMS: 3 BATH: 2, ALTARS: 6

There's something out there for everyone! Buddhist (and slightly tipsy)?


Catholic?


You're covered!

(The bottom house was found by Emily, who saw it here.)

And now... back to the ugly.

When I first glanced at this listing found by Freelance Writer, I thought it was tile behind the toilet. But.... no:

New "It's Lovely!" HQ

Oh my god, this is wonderful. It was found by Gav who, I'm guessing from his Austin Powers comment, thought it was shagtastic. But I love it! Really! It's excellent! Look! It's like a museum, or a Dwell photo spread!

I'm buying it and moving in and keeping it that impeccably clean. I'll use an orange rotary phone, and listen to LPs, and look things up in World Book. I shall cook meals involving cans of condensed soup.

And then I'm going to hang up portraits of Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong-il in every room, just to finish the look.

"BUYERS ARE TO ASSURE THEMSELVES"

I don't see anything upsetting at all in this listing that Jessi found. Nope, nope, it's all fluffy white clouds. Tra la la...

Holland: Land of Tanning Beds

This houseboat was found by Sue, who thinks it's a retirement home for circus folk. The tent-like roof; the King Tut mask; the mirrors; where to begin? (Click through for the bathroom with the wall mounted TV, the tanning bed, and the gnomes and Native American Buddha around the tub.) But oddly enough, my eye is caught by the flower arrangement above. Are those two fly swatters sticking out of it?

Victorian Victorian

Christine found this classy B&B. Nothing says "worth almost a million bucks" like porn on the walls!

Plus we have an old friend dropping by. Perhaps the chair had made a reservation for the B&B, and wasn't notified about the changes:

Princess Leia's vacation cabin

This house, found by Suzanne, is where holograms come to kick back on weekends. They wipe their hologram feet when they first come in so they don't get hologram mud on the hologram carpet, then they relax on the hologram sofa with the hologram throw cushions.

Don't look over there, look over here

Adrian found this listing. What's the big deal? Nice yard...


Fine bedroom...



AHHHHHHHHHHH!


Not only was there a terrible fire, but ohmygod isn't that a walker there to the right? Could they not get that out of the way before taking the photo?

All you need to know

If you were going to have only one photo for a listing, would this be the one you chose? Of course! What else could people be curious about? True I can't tell what this is a photo of, but I've never been to Utah. I'm sure it makes sense to locals.

Found by a real estate professional who wishes to remain anonymous.

Unidentified machinery included?

Saves me the trouble of abandoning my own car there, I suppose...

Hi!

Don't let us bother you! No, no, don't get up -- we'll see ourselves out.

skitter skitter

Skitter. Skitter skitter. Skitter skitter skitter skitter. Skitter!

Green quarter-acre is the place for meeee

Front yard!


Back yard!

So verdant.

rrrrrrrrroooooommmmmmmmmmm

"I'm outta here," said the lawnmower, turning its back and storming off.