If this were the early nineties? And I was in a grunge band? Even though we mocked the term "grunge," but that was what we were called -- ironically! -- when our show opening for Girl Trouble got reviewed in The Rocket? And we needed cover art our five-song EP, the one our friend was putting out on the record label he runs from his bedroom in Tumwater?
This is totally the look I would go for.
What? You expect me to put the lid down? Pshaw. For a mere $520,000, it really isn't worth my time.
Bug problem? No, no bug problem. What makes you think this house has a bug problem?
Oh. That. No, that's... a friend's. He left it here. I really ought to get around to getting it back to him. Mmm-hmmm.
Nope, there's nothing wrong with the pool. Why do you ask? Oh, the color? No, no, that's fine. The pool's filled with Midori. It's supposed to be that color. Cheers!
P.S. While making sure that Midori was the green liqueur I was thinking of, I found this recipe on their website. June Bug? Mmmm, beetles. Drinkable beetles. How delightful.
Yes! This is exactly what I'm looking for in a house. A big sleeping woman with a wound in her chest that leaks water. That is what the picture is of, right?
I'm sure there are good reasons for having a witch's hat (or, as some people call them, a safety cone) in the kitchen of the house you're trying to sell. Like... the kitchen is so FULL OF RADNESS that someone might walk in and be all WOAH and jump back and fall and hurt themselves, just because of the awesomeness of it all.
That must be it.
THE ROBOTS WELCOME YOU TO YOUR NEW HOME
WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME
DO NOT BE ALARMED
WE ARE FRIENDLY ROBOTS
FRIENDLY ROBOTS WITH BIG STICKS
beep beep beep beep
DANCE THE ROBOT WITH US
WE SAID, DANCE THE ROBOT
NOT LIKE THAT
IS THAT REALLY HOW WE LOOK WHEN WE DANCE
HOW EMBARRASSING
beep whirrr beep
Amanda found this listing back in September and it's still up, which is odd, as nothing says "The Perfect Home Just for You !!!!!!!!" like a dog taking a crap.
Roar! Their eyes glow! Their fangs gnash! Their cute lil' floppy ears are all floppy and cute and awwww.... found by Randi. Who's a cute little hellhound? Who? Who?
This apartment, found by Michelle, is yours for $10, according to the listing. Included: Andy, a hideous half-man, half-sofa. That isn't going to be a problem, is it? What are you, some sort of anti-couchite?
I look at a ridiculous number of real estate listings (this isn't a complaint -- I'm a nosy person and enjoy the chance to peek into people's houses). One thing I get so bored with is the graffiti. It's always the same black paint, ho hum.
But here! Neon pink graffiti! Purple! Blue! What a refreshing sight. How many highlighters does it take to do a job like this?
This photo, found by Whitney, is how I feel on the third snow day this week. All the funny has been beaten out of me by small children pelting me with Lego. They claim that I'm their mother and should be paying attention to them instead of looking at... well, since my kids are reading over my shoulder I won't spell out what I suspect this might be. I might be wrong, anyway. It could just be... um...
I'll get back to you on that one.
Karen found this and didn't know what it was supposed to show, but I think it's clear: it's a moat. Not the most impassable of moats, but clearly a moat.
Becky found this lovely... fireplace? Yes, it must be a fireplace, because that's clearly a fireplace screen. Tra la la, it's a fireplace, no need to look any closer.
I Love Upstate thinks this is an enema bag hanging in the bathroom in this listing. But it is the season of giving, and in my condition of heightened generosity I refuse to believe that any real estate agent would include one. They wouldn't, they just wouldn't.
It's just a shower hose. A really high, thin, oddly placed, miscolored shower hose.
Right?
Clayton found this listing from Riverside, and I have to say it's the grossest one I've ever seen. It's even worse than this one, which I thought would never be topped. So, as a favor to you, I'm just putting this teeny photo in.
You can click on the photo if you want, or not. It's a bit of a personality test, isn't it?
Did you see it? There was a bathtub right there! I swear it was! Elizabeth found it, and I saw it, but now... gone. Ooooh. Spooky. Vanishing bathtub.
Karen found this good dog in a listing from San Diego. Good dog! Who's a good dog?
I just realized: if I looked at this blog for the first time today, I would have no freaking idea what it's about. Hunting? Pets? Furniture? Sandwiches?
Julie found this photo of a commercial property. Yes, it is. It is! That's what commercial properties look like! Otherwise it would make no sense to have this photo be the only one on the listing.
StacyAndJason (don't give me that look -- that's what the e-mail says) found this dramatic moment waiting to happen. What's coming out of the closet? Something... nice?
SHHHH! YOU'RE KEEPING TONY UP WITH ALL YOUR DANCING! THIS IS NO TIME FOR A CONGA LINE! KNOCK IT OFF!
Just like Japanese room sizes are given in tatami mats, in Massachusetts room sizes are given in recycling bags. This photo (found by Melissa) shows a twenty-bag room, the standard size for a small living room or large bedroom.
Doo-dee doo-dee doo-dee DOO-DEE (da da da da da da da da DAAAAH da-da-da)
Brie found these old friends, practicing for a recital.
PROSPECTIVE TENANT: I don't know... the windows seem a bit small.
OWNER: No, no, they're nice and big. Airy! The apartment is positively airy.
PROSPECTIVE TENANT: But the windows! Look at them! They're about six inches tall.
OWNER: Clearly you are mistaken. Look at the curtains! Nobody would put such long curtains on six-inch-tall windows, would they?
PROSPECTIVE TENANT: I see your point. I'll sign the lease now, please.
(Found by Christian and Gareth.)
OK, this is pretty much what my kitchen looks like right now. Is that a selling point? The listing, found by Katie, does remind me of home, after all...
Is that a logging cross-cut saw in the corner? Why yes, I believe it is.
"You expect me to live like this?" demanded the toilet. "I'll give you 'looks like someone tried to remodel it, and stopped.' Bah!"
And with that it stormed out the door to go to Norway, where plumbing fixtures are appreciated.
You could follow It's Lovely! on Twitter:
