Don't invite Lentil

"Honey, I'm home! What's for dinner?"

"Lemons."

"Lemon chicken?"

"No. Lemons."

"Greek Lemon Soup?"

"No. Lemons."

"Salmon with lemon garnish?"

"No. Lemons. Just lemons. It's a cry for help. Grab some forks, will you?"

Ahhh, it's brilliant

I'm sure there are good reasons to include a photo of Father Dougal in your listing, as found by Edmund. True, I can't think what the reasons might be... but I'm starting to get the impression they do things a little differently in New Zealand. For example, it appears that they insulate houses with "button cods," which I believe is babytalk for what Americans, in our trademark-infringing way, call Q-Tips. That's what the listing says, anyway. I am so confused. Just like Dougal.

"Yard needs TLC"

Yes, I'm sure the yard does need TLC, but it's the double-pane windows I'm wondering about. They double-pane windows which are mentioned in the listing. The double-pane windows which, if I'm seeing things correctly, are just sort of hanging in the wall with not much supporting them.

Wait, that's not fair of me. Some of the windows have plenty of support. Support in the form of big sheets of plywood nailed right across them. They're not going anywhere.

No no no no no

NO MORE DOLLS PLEASE.


(Found by Sharon.)

Smooooth

"A dinette set in the bedroom?" writes dw. "Isn't that a little... forward? If I were on a date, I'd be thinking I'd want something between dinner and bed."

You be the judge

"No one will notice it's a pot plant," writes Sue. "Just stick it in the office." OK, I'm naive, and most of what I know about pot plants comes from watching jPod. Really? Is this a pot plant? In a listing? I know it's Holland, but still.

Make us then a mighty host

The rest of this house is one of those "Awesome or awful?" quandaries, but this -- this! -- this is too much. Built-in, permanent, cement armchairs? No.

Found by Liz.

Oooh.

There's nothing particularly awful about these. Actually, they're kind of striking, in an early 1990s Calvin Klein ad sort of way. I just wanted to share.

My blue-tarp suburb

This house is not far from mine, and they've represented the area perfectly in this photo:

1. Blue tarp
2. Car up on blocks
3. Blackberry bush
4. Rain

Ah, home.

IMPORTANT

Want to get this look at home? Simple! Just stock up on these:




Found by Maria.

One wheel wheelie mek me wheelie one wheel

It's a shopping cart!

It's a bicycle!

No, it's a shopcycle!

Come in! Come in! Come in! Come in! Come in! Come in!

What? Why would you have a creepy feeling about this house that April found? I don't see a single thing wrong with it. Tra la la...

(choir of angels)

Jim found this listing. He thinks it's an alien abduction about to happen, but I think it's God. In the kitchen. Just saying "hi." And maybe getting a drink of water. Really, if God shows up in the kitchen, is it fair to make Him drink from the faucet? Go on, give Him a glass.

Listing listing

This is how this photo looks when I, with my monkey-like computer skills, put it on this blog:




This is how it looks in the listing, which Dawn found:



Either way... dang. The listing says "Basement has direct walk out of family rm." Do you think the basement and the family room are on the same floor?

Oh, wait. Here it is on Google Street View:


....which straightens everything out, so to speak. So yes, a computer can take a better photo than this real estate agent can. Not that the agent should feel embarrassed about that or anything.

Hide! Hide! The real estate agent is coming!

I've decided not to put any photos with children on my blog, in case... ah... eeevil people see the listing and go to the house and kidnap the children and refuse to return them until the parents agree to co-sign on their mortgages. Fortunately the person who put together this listing -- found by Siobhan -- agrees with me. Children? What children?

Cleans up real good

Before! After! At least I hope I have these two photos, found by Roy, in the right order...

Living in Midget Village

"Serious offers from seriously tiny people only," writes Chzzy.

I'm detecting a pattern

The chances of anyone else making sense out of this are slim, but I swear, when I saw this photo:



...the first thing I thought of was Fashion Plates.



I've gone insane, haven't I.

(Listing found by Stacy. Fashion Plates found on eBay, and you wouldn't believe how much they go for.)

Which definition of "hopefully" are you using here?

"Hopefully trash will be removed soon (awaiting approval from seller)." I'm going to start using that as my excuse, too.

Does it come with a dock? Um... do you want one?

Dock!


No dock!


Perhaps it's a submersible dock. That seems like a bit of a design flaw to me, but what do I know about docks?

Adventures in Real Estate

Ho hum, just taking photos for the listing:


And the other side...




Oh crap, someone's coming, quick, across the street, run!



Oh no, they're going into the house:


Well, maybe we can get a photo of the side:


Or the garage:


Eek! They saw us! Run, run, run!

Pacer!

Oh, good. I was looking for a house that came with... stuff. Like, a bike pump, great. Yeah, and a half-dead plant, perfect. And a... wagon? And a... basket?

Okay, not really. But there's one thing that isn't in the listing itself -- it's in the Google Street View of the house -- that I really do want.

Look!

A Pacer!

A real live Pacer!

As a former Pinto-owner, I say: hellooo, Pacer!



UPDATE: I'm wrong. It's not a Pacer. This house is useless.

Huh?

This is here purely for the "huh?"ness of it. It appears to be a counter with a stovetop and sink -- okay, I've got that -- but then is there another counter coming straight out of the stovetop?

When they say "Gothic," they mean "Gothic"

It's... it's... it's a grave, isn't it? Dawn found this listing, and she thinks it is, too. The house was built in 1843, so it does seem possible.

Getting the defunct swimming pool out of our back yard was a real pain. What's it like getting a grave out? Or do you just leave it, even though your kids will have tea parties on it when they're little and then, when they're adolescents, go out there to smoke cloves?

Maybe the dead like clove cigarettes. And tea parties. I do not know.

Pink!

Pink!


Pink!


Pink!


Pink!


Pink!

Pink!

Pink!


Pink!


Pink!

Pink!Pink!Pink!Pink!Pink!Pink!Pink!Pink!

Found by Paula. Pink!

Take my breath away-ee-ee-ayyy-eee-eee-ayyy-eee-ee-ayyyy

Oh, my. The hair! The glasses! The minidress! The including of this photo at all! Anonymous, who found this listing, points out that "if you can't tell how old the photos are by her clothes, MO hasn't had the maroon license plate since 1996."

I have an urge to go watch Top Gun.

JUST MAKING SURE YOU NOTICE

HELLO! THE BATHTUB FAUCET LEAKS. DRIP DRIP DRIP. JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE YOU NOTICED THAT, SO I INCLUDED A BUCKET IN THE PHOTO. GREAT!

(Found by M.)