Monday, June 8, 2009

"Calvmkztm obcqu dyfigl erlacppyaq obcqu qvlw obcqu alvmkztm obcqu."

 

Well, sure, I like the house, and I like the thought of raising my children there. One thing, though. I can't quite picture what it would look like during a home break-in, and that's very important to me.

Oh! Like that! Great -- just what I needed! Thanks.

(Found by Jeannine. Gibberish in title taken from the listing. I think it's the sound the photographer made after seeing the stealthy, stealthy person.)

EDIT: Here's the video people are talking about. It's a bad boy. It's nuts, man.

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm about to sound like a moron, but here goes: Is that another language? Is it...what the heck is it? Russian without the proper alphabet?

Anyway, weird, weird picture but holy smokes on the price! That's a lot of house for not a lot of money, particularly when it isn't a case of needing to be completely redone.

Is Germantown a really scary place to live? Do you perhaps entirely lose your ability to communicate whenever within the city bounds? Does it de-verablize too?

Just wondering.

Pale Reflection said...

urggg.... the video made me seasick

Anonymous said...

You have to watch the video. Wow, that's got to be the worst Realtor I've ever seen.

Angel said...

Word salad aside, at least this one is big enough to be able to keep your vowels. It needs more than cosmetics, though, but I love old houses with all their nooks and crannies.

Claire said...

I knew before I clicked on this that the ad came from Craigslist. I'm guessing that the gibberish is a random string of text designed to make each posting of the ad "unique" so that CL doesn't delete it for being spam.

blake said...

"CA$H OR HARD MONEY ONLY "
Is "ca$h" different from cash?
What is hard money? i find dollars pretty malleable, should i use paper-mache to make them stiffer?
Are they really expecting someone to pay 180k in cash? Is their target buyer Tony Montana?

"No rehab needed"
Does the house have a drug problem?
I knew buildings could be renovated, but i didnt know they could be rehabilitated.

The picture made me want to sing
"You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch"

Decadent Housewife said...

I'd like to make a witty comment but think it's all been variabelized already.

William said...

If you Google search for "obcqu", you'll find that string appears in a few different CL ads. The ones I looked at are actually pictures of normal ads. One's link spam, but the other has no links or contact info, so I'm puzzled. Steganography in the images? Badly built spammer bot? Undermedicated person in basement?

Anonymous said...

Blake, I wonder if they mean pre-approved financing, twenty percent down? That's the only thing that came to my mind when reading that.

A cash purchase at that amount isn't actually that unusual. It's a funny phrase though, because it does conjure images of some mobster taking out a bankroll and peeling off C Notes, instead of someone politely handing over a cashier's check.

mudslicker said...

Why does this video remind me of The Blair Witch Project? I kept expecting Heather's head to pop up in the tent with that annoying bubble of snot at the end of her nose.

*I need an Excedrin*

I have to say tho, blake's comments made the experience all worthwhile. I got splinters from ROTFL...

*I need tweezers*

Anonymous said...

Nothing says "Buy me! Buy me! Buy me!" than a poory directed home video in which he ends with the tidbit that there is a dispute and unless this gets settled fast, someone's getting kicked out and the ad that says cash only. This guy seems totally legit.

dissimilitude said...

"Oh, all you can see is my reflection. That sucks....Well, there's some people up here...we're just going to ignore them." That was one bizarre stream-of-consciousness realtor video! On the other hand, I'm a little bit in love with the house. Now I want to move to Philadelphia and run a rooming house full of lovable characters. It'll be just like a tv show. I think I'll get the realtor to film it, as he's got the experience now.

scowl said...

I would be tempted to respond to the Craig's List ad with something like:

"Yes, this is exactly the house we've been looking for! Can you contact xxu u xcucyyczzs ucwjc cwzfagf? We'd really zxxuuizx uedcjw usnmfl sueuwk!

Thanks!"

Anonymous said...

http://www.gothsinhotweather.com/2009/05/and-now-for-something-completely-goth.html

Chair has been spotted hanging out on the beach with goths!

bryn said...

oh dear lord. that video is horrific. how do you make it do that? it looks like they filmed it through a swimming pool. i think i have a migraine now

Francois Tremblay said...

Seriously, this guy is the worst real estate agent ever. Even though I have bad communication skills, *I* could do a better job than he did. He basically didn't say *anything* good about the place except "good rehab." He sounded like he couldn't wait to get out of there.

"there's fireplaces up the ying-yang." What the...

Jill said...

If you think that video was bad, you can waste sometime, like I just did, and check out some of his other youtube work! There was one house that he said "excuse me while I step over these dirty panties, just like a Saturday night at the gentleman's club"! I am slightly mortified, but can't stop watching his house selling narrations.

I love how he ends with peace out Daddy Fast 4 Cash!!!

dissimilitude said...

@Jill: Yes, his awesome real estate and videographer skills have sucked me in, too.

Sara said...

sooo....dizzy...

Crump said...

I'm really curious about what type of camera he is using. I've never seen a video before where the image pans slower and slower as you go higher up on the screen.

Every time he pans the camera from side to side all the vertical lines in the image start to warp and dance around me while they question my sobriety.

oregone said...

Best post evar? Seriously, this is how I rent my apartments in portland so i'm actually not surprised too much by the video, although the realtor does sound like a fratty douchebag.
I like how people that can't afford their own bathroom can afford flat-screen televisions.
That must be an uncomfortable place to show in person, what with all the (possible?) evictions and all.

Jason said...

Omigosh, this guy deserves his own special series!

"Daddy's fast Cash, here in front of 4946 Rubicam, which I don't have keys for! Kinda sucks, but that's the kinda day it is....I think this is like a 4 or 5 bedroom...Don't know the price yet, 'cause I just got it this morning. There's a huge yard back there which I'm not going to go crawling around in. Probably a standard rehab, looks like to be in pretty good shape from the outside. This is what you get for video right now. You can come and see for yourself because you usually do anyway!....So, that'll be that!"

I'm hopelessly addicted...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=our-4qAGuFE

Meg said...

Does this photograph make anyone else think of that awful CPI security commercial?

"CPI SECURITY...IDENTIFY YOURSELF!!!"

I too am addicted to the terrible home videos. Worst realtor, indeed.

Meg said...

"Ca$h or hard money only"

Personally I would have said, "Yo, Bank gets you the hizzy"

E said...

He gets my nomination for Worst Realtor Ever. I was especially taken aback by the constant sound of him chewing his gum throughout his narrative.

And about the narrative, good golly! Hard to believe that the person speaking stands to gain from the sale of that property. Given how he was so openly disrespectful of the current tenants, I can just imagine what a charmer he is in person.

Chazya said...

I have a headache after that video. found chair though, hanging out with bed in the top loft.

do you suppose chair was embarrassed by the mess?

And was that stairs to a basement through that kitchen door, or just an enormous blue hole to hell? I almost felt like I was going to fall in when I saw it.

Do you suppose they are using these places to shoot porn movies in? and suddenly they have gotten caught and are trying to sell out fast? And why did it seem everybody was on their cell phones?

I feel woozy

Athena Misty, aka "GeekGirl" said...

Okay, I'm no language expert and I don't speak other langues, but I'm pretty sure most of them have vowels. Did their cat walk across the keyboard and they just didn't notice before hitting "post"?

WHAT is a "mini mansion" anyway? Isn't that just a house?

Laura said...

Sigh. Another day gone. Gone I tells ya! Those videos are hypnotic. If Bravo doesn't give this guy his own series, I'm going to be very upset with them. Forget the Real Housewives, I want the Real Video Real Estate Agents of Philly!

Elisa said...

I'm thinking we might need the Ghost Hunters for this one. Maybe that's a apparition caught on film and not a break-in. ha

Anonymous said...

http://portland.craigslist.org/mlt/apa/1220312402.html

Ok, I put the letters into a search engine and found this listing as well as the one shown. Weird.

Doug said...

Smells like bad spam to me...

Stiletto Sports Jen said...

OMG that was the funniest thing ever! That video had me laughing for a good 30minutes. Sad thing is that the house was actually pretty cool!

My fave parts: the fact that he showed some other random gorgeous house but was like, yeah... you ain't getting that one.

* "just ignore the people" (um... he couldn't ask them to leave for a hot second?)

* the dead camera battery.......
* the overusage of the word "rehab" Really made me think this place was a former Crack House