Monday, May 11, 2009

$695,000 a barrel


Poor Fluffy. I still remember that day, when he got caught in the Great Molasses Spill of 2009. The oil drum ruptured and syrup covered the land as far as the eye could see, ever-so-slowly carrying Fluffy away over the cliff.

Fluffy was a good... um... cat? dog? dat? cog? Anyway, we'll all miss him.

19 comments:

CM said...

Why does the agent make a point of saying the property was assessed at $630,000? That only begs the question: why are the sellers asking so much more than that for their can't-even-post-pics-of-the-interior fixer-upper?

Rica said...

HAHHAHHAHA! That's depressing.

bikerchick said...

Oooooh lookie all that mold you get for the low, low price of $695k! Why, that could keep a specialty removal company in business for a whole year! and I'll bet there's bonus lichen and fungus on that property, too. Deal me in! (NOT!!!)

Anonymous said...

Pardon me here, but God Almighty, that's a lot of moss, mold, and that backyard looks like an industrial accident. I know, the listing flat out states that it's for land value (and then mysteriously crows that they are charging 65k over assessment -- uh, do you get that banks aren't keen on loaning over appraised/assessment value? As in, really not currently keen).

Raze that sucker, or don't include pictures of it because it really shows the problem with living in six uninterrupted acres of what amount to rain forest conditions: Stuff will grow all over your house unless you use very specific materials and that house isn't made of any of them.

Holy cats, including pictures of a foot's worth of ...green gunky, possible moss, possible mold, possible respiratory predator on a garage door? To whom is that supposed to appeal? I'm scared, Sarge.

mudslicker said...

Look! There are orbs in the driveway!!! All that fungus and the potential for Ghost Hunters to come visit you. What a goldmine!

Better make an offer quickly before the whole house takes a sleighride down to the other end of the backyard.

Anonymous said...

No kidding,Anonymous! I am so appalled--at the listing agent and the people that own this. I am afraid too--on many counts.

Would someone, not an agent, please call the listing agent and inquire what the fudge(?)that is in the backyard, that the poor dog seems to be stuck in? And how in the world did they get their numbers for this? And then post here?
PRETTY PLEEEEASE? (I am an agent or I would do it.)

I am just soooo damn curious.

And the next call should be to animal welfare!

Julie said...

Could that sludge actually be wet rock? It kind of looks it on the left side of the picture.

Scott said...

This appears to be an ideal property for survivalists. It's on the end of a tree-lined road up a steep hill far from the street ("secluded lot"). The outline of the house is low and the low-pitched roof is well-suited for armed lookouts waiting for federal agents. The trees will help fend off the black helicopters that watch you night and day. Vicious dogs roam the property looking for government agents hidden in the brush spying on your preparations. It has well water, a septic tank and a wood stove so the guvment can go ahead and cut off your utilities.

As for the interior...who cares? If you want to survive, you must give up the luxuries of life that society has made us dependent on to control us! You don't need granite counter tops or vaulted ceilings!

Oh it does have an in-ground pool, a spa, and hardwood floors. I guess there's no need to suffer during the apocalypse.

Scott said...

Julie, what looks like wet rock is most likely a tarp covered in mud to slow down the continuous flow of erosion from an unmaintained steep yard in a wet climate.

It also makes it hard for those federal agents to sneak around your property undetected. There is no way for them to cover the footprints they leave on a muddy tarp as they peek into your windows.

Jeez, even the listing a targeting paranoid survivalists. The only thing the owner will do when "opportunity knocks" is fetch the shotgun!

Stuart said...

"Don't be scared, boy! That's the perfect place for you and the missus to start a family! A little moss is good for the immune system! That sludge'll toughen you right up! The kids'll love playing in th- hmmph! Hack! HAA-A-A-A-ACK! Ahem! Sorry. Where was I? Oh yes ..."

Anonymous said...

"Value is in the land but for the right buyer this property could shine."

I believe the agent meant to say "you could make some serious Moonshine here".

Lori said...

Ack, I keep looking at this listing. I can't figure it out. In-ground pool? I sure don't see one. Maybe it's under the house. The mutant creatures. They do have kitty litter, though. Maybe they are cogs.

Hollasa said...

Is it just me who loves the glowing eyes of the animal in picture #2?

Mutant mold!

Also, it has a stable?

Lori said...

"A great place to write your manifesto!" should be included in the listing. I don't think that dog appreciated people on his property...does he come with the price?

Anonymous said...

Clearly the mold comes with the house but does the trash on the porch? For over 500K, I would hope so.

Sharon said...

You know, in Boston there really was a molasses flood. So who says it didn't happen again?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boston_Molasses_Disaster

Anonymous said...

Maybe it is El Chupacabra!!

Anonymous said...

Guys, that's just wet rock. The dog is not sinking into it, it's running on it.

Anonymous said...

For Sale: Frank Lloyd Wright's Falling-down Waters:
Has stream running directly through living room and out the back door. Comes replete with rare spa mud for complexion and strange glowing-eyed canid-like creatures unique to the area. Bring your boots.